I got pwned. Nyahaha...

"You want to call yourself an editor and yet, you don't even
edit your own work..."

Yes, Shame on me. I'm really sorry.

I've been working as an Editor for a Fanfiction Group in Fanfiction.net, It has only been a month...? Less than a month, and I've only edited for two stories. And now I'm currently on strike two.

I've been putting this statement on the current story I'm working on. (it's gone now, I took it down)

"This Story is Un beta-ed XD. Sorry for Grammatical Errors and Mistakes."

I do think, it seemed unprofessional. Yes. But what I meant was that I need another person to edit for me, and that I feel like my own editing is not enough to consider this story clean. But since what I've been writing still looked messy, I haven't been doing my job. I would no longer give excuses.

I'm thinking of quitting or not. I will shape up, and keep my position as a beta. But my stories will stay the same. Why? Because a one man army, doesn't make much difference. That's why a different person is in charge of proof reading, and for editing. Because they have different outlooks when a sentence is constructed.

I reasoned out. And the reply I got "I don't care." It hurt. It really does. You're concerned of your own progress. If I disgraced your reputable name, I'll gladly let go, change my name, and you can finally forever remove, that you had such a shameful member in your team. It would hurt, my pride, my right as a person, and everything I had, but if it means, that you get to keep what you've been doing for a long time already. It's okay. Because I'm that kind of person.

I don't care about myself, and my well being. I write what I want, and fix what I think that needed fixing. But if I'm really disgracing your name, just PLEASE TELL ME. I need to know, I'm just a "dumb kid" who happened to pass by and get hired. I don't think it would be bad to kick me out now, or if I quit on my own now, I haven't worked for long anyways.

I applied to be of help. I applied because I saw things I know I can help with. But if you don't need me anymore, you can just tell me "I will have to say, but you need to let go of your position." And I'll gladly do it. I still hope I can be friends with you guys.

However, I don't think I'm quitting anytime soon. Until I get this things cleared and I know I've said what I wanted to say, and hear you say what you want to say. If you hate me, it's fine. I can go away, I won't ponder and wander around somewhere, where I know, someone is not glad I'm there.

English is not my first Language. And I admit I'm not good with English too, I don't have a lot of vocabulary, I suck at grammar, but I'm proud that I can see unnoticeable mistakes, that is common in stories. That's the only thing I can say.

But say, what do you want to tell me? I'm not mad. Do I sound like I am? If I do, then I clear it, I'm not mad, I'm not lying either. In this blog, I say what I want to say, and say what I feel like saying. Everything in here is true.

Rather. I'm sad. Cause I didn't get to be heard out. Replied with an "I don't care" and left me hanging.

That's all.

Kanji/Romaji: Mizuki Nana - Freestyle (フリースタイル)

Well, I was bored, and the song was so bouncy. I searched for the lyrics and to no avail. Found the Kanji lyrics instead of the Romaji one. So I felt bad, since not anyone can enjoy the bouncy-ness of the song and jump, bounce and sing with the song. So I romanized it! =D Please Enjoy! Credits please when Taken out of my Blog :)

If you don't know the song, you can still bounce with me!
Freestyle - Mizuki Nana [Youtube]

Kanji (Kanji Lyrics Credits to: LyricsWiki.Com)

フリースタイルで空を飛ぶの
ココロのカギを外して
真っ白なハートの一部が
あなたの羽根の色のようで
ホント似たもの同志だったね

通りかかったペットショップで
どこにでも飛んでいけそうな
羽根を持ってるあなたと出会ったの

最近失恋して出来た
寂しい気持ちと時間は
あなたの姿を見てると癒されてく

マスカラよりも近い距離から
見つめ会っていたかった恋
真っ黒なこの涙はあなたが拭ってみせてね

夏の浜辺で終わった恋に
別れを告げきれずまだ
寂しい胸の内
カゴの中のあなたと私は似たもの同志ね

私には羽根ががないけれど
飛び込みたい空があるんだよ
自由でかっこいい飛び方教えてよね

笑顔でいつもいたいけど
そう上手くは行かないよね
だけどそうありたいと思う限り頑張ろう

いつか精一杯の助走をつけて
一緒に空を飛ぼうね
おもいきり羽ばたいて
カゴの中のあなた随分、待ち切れないようね

そろそろ外の世界へと希望を探す旅に出ましょう
勇気を出して飛び立とう一大決心

そして、、、

海鳥飛び交う空に
あなたを放ってあげる
雲に交じり消えた
あなたに負けはしないように私も頑張るよ

フリースタイルで空を飛ぶの
ココロのカギを外して
真っ白なハートの一部が
あなたの羽根の色のようで
ホント似たもの同志だったね

ROMAJI

furiisutairu de sora wo tobu no
kokoro no kagi wo hazushite
masshiro na haato no ichibu ga
anata no hane no iro no you de
honto ni ta mono doushi datta ne

toori kakatta PETTOSHOPPU de
doko ni demo tondeike sou na
hane wo motteru anata to deatta no

saikin shitsuren shite dekita
sabishii kimochi to jikan wa
anata no sugata wo miteru to iyasareteku

masukara yori mo chikai kyori kara
mitsu meatte itakatta koi
makkuro na kono namida wa anata ga nugutte misetene

natsu no hamabe de owatta koi ni
wakare wo tsuge kirezumada
sabishii mune no uchi
kago no naka no anata to watashi wa ni ta mono doushi ne

watashi ni wa hane gaganai keredo　
tobiko mitai sora ga arundayo
jiyuu dekakkoii tobi kata oshiete yone

egao de itsumo itai kedo
sou umaku wa ikanai yo ne
dakedo sou aritai to omou kagiri ganbarou

itsuka seiippai no josou wo tsukete
issho ni sora wo tobu ne
omoikiri hane bataite
kago no nakano anata zuibun , machi kirenai you ne

sorosoro soto no sekai heto kibou wo sagasu tabi ni demashou
yuuki wo dashite tobitatou ichi dai kesshin

soshite

umi tori tobikau sora ni
anata wo hanatte ageru
kumo ni majiri kieta
anata ni make wa shinai youni watashi mo ganbaru yo

furiisutairu de sora wo tobu no
kokoro no kagi wo hazushite
masshiro na haato no ichibu ga
anata no hane no iro no you de
honto ni ta mono doushi datta ne


I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do! =D PLEASE CREDITS WHEN TAKEN OUT! You can request for Romaji lyrics, as long as you provide a scan of the KANJI lyrics OR a link to the KANJI lyrics. I can do them. Just comment on this post, or any of my posts that includes in Lyrics. I will romanize them for you.

More lyrics coming when I have more free time!

Please Enjoy Nana-san's Freestyle! furiisutairu de sora wo tobu no kokoro no kagi wo hazushite~~

~De arimasu

Shana-nee/Yuki-nee

Graduating High School is a Gruesome day.

I've never had a best friend during High School. Never had someone with me, to take to college. I think I'm going to set a journey to find friends again. When You see me hanging out with friends, I'm like a black hair in a pile of hay. I was just there, cause no one would come with me. So I come with them.

I've always gained friends, and lost them right after parting. During elementary it's because of the house location. All of their houses are near our school. I'm so far-away from them. I thought I had friends, when I graduated, I lost them all.

Now, I'm graduating high school, yes, I'm sad, I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna miss them all. But that's all that's happening. To be honest, no one bothers to go with me, when I need someone to go to places with. I don't have anyone who wants to stay to my house for a longer time. Like usually, the house location is far. When I ask for you to come with me. It only means 'I've always been alone. I'm lonely. I just want you today to be with me. So you could heal my loneliness for today.' But it seems like no one has noticed my tiresomeness. Masking them with a smile. I'm awezome.

I've never been really close with my family. I'm the last to get the news always. My brother gained a Girl friend. I learned about it last. Cause they don't like talking to me, like i'm an outsider. We're a family. But we're not friends. I learn the news about my family members, because, I'm a part of them. Not Because they want me to know about it.

I need to renew my passport tomorrow. I'm coming with my sister, and I don't think that day would be a good day. I think I'll go on with that day, with my stone face on.

People tells me 'smile it looks better on you.' but when I do it in-front of a mirror. All I can say is. 'so ugly. I think a serious face looks gorgeous'

I was never raised a 'cheerful person' so it's hard to breakthrough my endless mask of happiness. When you ask me to smile, I'm smiling, but you can't see it. Cause, all my life, the number of times I've frowned, is greater by more than half of the number of times I smiled.

During Elementary, I had a best friend. But the truth was, she had a best friend of her own. I was just a by-passer who needed a guide. When she graduated. We're gone.

Now. Where do I find friends? I think those people online that I talk to, I trust them so much, but I don't know what they say, when they're not talking to me. Though I trust them much. Sooooo much.

So as I was saying. Graduating High School is a gruesome day. Cause it's the day I lose my friends. Basically. Unless you swear to me "Ate Kams! I'll forever be your friend!" And mentally crossing your fingers or crossing your fingers behind you, it's fine. You were trying to comfort me. Thank you.

So why am I like this? Like I said. My whole life, I'm an in-born errand runner. Even if they can do it themselves. Fetch water? Open the door? Why? I'm tired. They tell me they're tired. Like they're only the person tired. Usually a conversation like this goes on.

P1: Please get me a water.
me: Don't wanna I'm tired.
P1: TIRED?! What did you DO?! I walked around all day. So get it for me.
me: I was sitting here staring my eyeballs out the screen doing my work.
P1: What work? Do you even get paid to do that?
me: No. But at least I help people.
P1: psh. help people. So what? you were just sitting there. Staring at the screen. What's tiring with that?
So I just go ahead and fetch it. I'm the loser no matter how you look at it.

I may have flu, coughs, sore body, sore knee, sore back. I do what they tell me to do. If you ask me not to overwork myself. I'm sorry, I don't believe that you're truthfully concerned, and I can't do that.

This also answers 'why why why' suggestions doesn't easily go past me. Cause I don't believe that the person, is truthfully telling me that.

Well not maybe all my life, at least, most of my life is composed of orders. That's why I'm so obedient. And rarely asks for other people's favors. When people are doing favors for me, I kindly decline it. I don't need help. More like, no one offers their help. And if I DO really NEED help. No one can help. But it's okay. I've set myself to set goals to helping people.

But you know, I'm not some robot, I'm not mad. I need some feelings too. People around me treat me like I don't have feelings. Like I'm some kinda mannequin, that tells and go, and you can say and go to. I had said before, I can survive alone. Yes I can. But this is what I'm telling you. I'll be sad all my life.

I have temper issues. Right. I have mental defects. Right. Why? the reason I don't have friends.

No one in this world has accepted me for who I am. Not even my family. It's not a hard thing. Usually it takes time for these to happen. But. seventeen years? Haha. Good joke.

People always criticize me, and hasn't understood me since then. All I did was. Adjust myself, my feelings for them. So I don't hurt them. But they don't care if I get hurt. Rawr.

I'm telling this. It's self pity. Yes. Self-pity is the result of low self-esteem. People who doesn't have confidence in them. I'm one of them. Self-pity is one of our ways into venting anger and depression, before I catch an illness here. But no one seem to accept it.

I was once criticized about it, and was ORDERED to fix it. Cause it's wrong. I was trying. But when I told that person that, I have a problem with her, and I don't think it's just me. She says she will. Obviously, she had been shoving this 'open minded' crap to my face. While she can't do it herself. ironic. How crapping.

I have so many deep wounds. I don't have anaesthetic to heal them. Why. you're here reading. Can YOU do that?

-- Shanatan

Good Thing I'm going to leave SMS now.

I love you Ms. B. like We're some kinda criminal

Nuff said, that's all I'm gonna post.

I'm glad I'm leaving Southernside Montessori School.

Thanks to SMS that I met most of my good friends, and good teachers.
But also.
Thanks to SMS, I hated it so much because of their beloved awesome ...............

When I become an artist. I swear to delete my 'High School' in my profile. ^^

"You don't need to worry about me, I can survive Alone,"

Well I just learned something new, Thanks a lot Aisaka Taiga. Well you see, I've been watching Toradora in a while. And Aisaka Taiga, just said these phrases.

そんなに。。。心配しなくていいよ。。。 (You know... You don't have to worry about me)
一人でも。。。たちあがれるから。。。(Even if I'm alone. I can stand up on my own.)
だから。。。(That's why...)
だいじょうぶ。。。(It's all right.)
あたしのことわばかり。。。きにしないで。(Just forget worrying about me.)

I guess it reflects to me a lot. No one really cares about me nor about my efforts, so it's okay.

"A person cannot live alone." I agree, that is solely true. But, people doesn't have to worry about me, solving problems on my own, are my specialty. Like Taiga said, Even If I'm alone, I can stand up on my own. I might not be able to stand up for myself, but I'm sure, I can stand up on my own.

This time, I don't have a problem saying this, but this is something that, I need to clear up with myself. I've been on this mindset, and I'm going about this until the end.

I help people and I love helping people. But, there are times that I want a 'sincere' thanks. I want you to do something for me, though I guess it's not applicable until you ask for it.

Just like this:
Me: Oh, tell your friend to buy the tickets from me for P30, Cause I have 30 tickets. (We're talking about Tom's World Tickets)
Person: LoL, why would she buy it?
Me: Oh, if she buys it, then she buys it, if she doesn't want it, I'll give it to her. LOL.

It's not really intelligence I guess, cause it's not in my point to, outwit the other side. Even if she agrees, I'd either, accept it, lower the price, or just give it.

Though, In my life, I've only had 2 best friends, but I have no connections to now, I guess I can't really consider hem as best friends. I have few close friends, Mara, Patrice, Ran, Aica and the 8 people I'm with, Shanine, Airess, Kath, Kathy labs, Karla, Carla, Joyce and Jemmii.

I don't have a best friend, really. Mara = Patrice, Aica = Ran, Shanine = Karla, Kathy = Jemmii = Airess, You can say Joyce = Carla. You see? We're not even rofl.

High School is ending soon, 2 more months to tie it off. Nothing changed since Elementary. How sad.

Well I guess, this'll be the end for this entry. As I would always do.

そんなに。。。心配しなくていいよ。。。 (You know... You don't have to worry about me)
一人でも。。。たちあがれるから。。。(Even if I'm alone. I can stand up on my own.)
だから。。。(That's why...)
だいじょうぶ。。。(It's all right.)
あたしのことわばかり。。。きにしないで。(Just forget worrying about me.)

I'm NOT EMO! Die you imbecile if dare you call me that.

Well, Long time no see, dear blog. Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you, though now I am. =)

You know... I've been sad lately. Well specifically last Sunday (January 11, 2009), my wallet was snatched, my beloved Wallet... my precious wallet. Oh well it's gone, who ever took it, may karma get to you, and may you go to hell. *bow*

Lately, I think I've been having more enemies? Rofl, Anyway I just think so I do. Anyhow, Kara's been doing good. I'm so glad.

~ de arimasu.

So that I can say that I updated. hehe.

わたしは裏しいです。 (I am Happy.)
本当おです、それからに、してるます。(I've been happy, believe me)
ありがたいやらへん。(Thank you Very Much)

The similarity of *coughprettycough* Kamchii and Mizusawa Mao

And... that's what I was talking about. Mao, as I've judged, is a kind tsundere.
Like some guy said there to me: "reminds me of a certain someone..." and I was like. "Ouch" XD Well I do. Amongst all of the anime characters I've known, Mao is the one I can relate to the most. Let's tell Mao's story first.

Mao, has a childhood friend named Kouichi. And at the beginning of the story, she says that he's like a Younger Brother to her. Thus Kouichi in return calls her "Mao-neechan" cause he thinks the same way. She's a year older than him.

On the day of first day in school she bumps with her guy classmate who plays the saxophone. And later on the story, she hits it off with him. The guy's name is Kai. For me, it doesn't really seem like Mao really liked Kai, cause she always seem to be pre-occupied. On the other hand, Kouichi has a girl he likes, her name's Yumi.

Mao, became Kouichi's love consultant, and she helped him to make moves on Yumi so they can be a couple. Mao, loves into helping her friends about their love concerns, but doesn't have a lovelife herself.

Mao, who thinks of Kouichi as a younger brother, cheers on for him and Yumi. A martyr indeed. Mao is one of those, seductive, kind, tsundere character. Anyhow, Mao, rooted for Kouichi and Yumi till the end. Until she realizes her own feelings, breaks up with Kai, and tries her best to hide it from Kouichi. Though it's a little late that she realizes her feelings for him. It also happened that she told him her own feelings. Showing one of her Tsundere sides:

(Mao caught a fever after breaking up with Kai)
Kouichi: Mao-neechan... is something wrong?
Mao: It's nothing, leave me alone.
Kouichi: I heard you broke up with Kai-san.
(Mao looks surprised)
Kouichi: If you're sad because of that, tell me! I'll talk to Kai-s
Mao: Stop it!
Kouichi: B-but...
Mao: STOP IT! Because the one I like is you, Kouichi! Get out!

Tsundere like no? For those who doesn't now, Tsundere are characters who faces up a tough front, often hot headed but has a very soft side to them. After that, Kouichi became bother, but he still went into going out with Yumi. Until at the end of the story, like I mean it. THE END of the story, he realizes he was lying with himself, and the one he really loves is his Mao "neechan" and then proposes, she accepts him, and the end. With 2 kiss scenes.

Man, my story didn't go like that, but here goes mine. We're the seductive and funny type. XD Here's my most favourite Mao line.

(Mao, inside the shower, undressing)
Kouichi: Wait!
(opens the door and sees Mao undressing)
(Mao shrieks, Kouichi closes the door)
Mao: What? You pervert. Or... do you want to come inside with me?

<3333 Sometimes I do that too. In chats though. That scene never happened with me in real life. Well if ever it will, I might do that too, it'll be fun. XD but for me it's like this in chat.

Me: brb, bath
chatmate: alright enjoy!!
me: what? want to come with me?

Also, to those Kimikiss fans, and hate Mao, you're crap. That's all I can say. Mao regretted it a lot for not realizin her feelings earlier, and you're calling Mao, like she's some beyatch that she played with your hottie Kai, and then broke his heart blah blah. You're CRAP. C-R-A-P. Why am I insane with this? Because I love stories. I love novels. I love to write. And protecting a characters, character, is what a writer would do, if you are though.

Something like that. Anyhow, here's my share of story.
I was young, hmm 12? Not far I guess. Just 4 years ago. There's my childhood friend, let's hide him under the name... Dan. He's my childhood friend. 4 years go, we were being teased as to we look like a couple to them, but what would I know about those things by that time right? I was a late bloomer. When I was about to turn 13, Dan, suddenly left without notice, and I was frustrated, I got irritated. Was it because, the day before he left, he borrowed a Playstation 1 CD from me, and then disappeared? Or was it because I liked him and never knew?

After 4 years, a friend connected us again. And I met Dan again, though even it's just chatting. I realized. "So... all these years, I'm not falling in love seriously, cause... I like him? was that it?" After knowing that he had 2 Girlfriends already, actually hurt me a lot. But what can I do? I'm like part of his background. That time he said he doesn't have any girl he wants to know, and I was like "Go Go! you'll find one soon! Unlike me who doesn't have a Boyfriend." I was rooting for him.

4 years ago, he also liked a girl, and I helped him to get her, but he failed. Sad though. But I'm still a martyr. Now, I can actually tell him my feelings, it's not wrong, we're on a new decade now. But I think it's wrong. Holding onto feelings for a guy, in 4 years without noticing it, until... you talked with him again?

I wouldn't know what I'll do when I see him. What.. slap him? Cause he LEFT ME. Or... what. hug him? Cause I missed him? or, Kiss him cause, I love him what? I'm too young for this. I'm not thinking too much, it might just be that. It's my fantasies. Maybe.

I'm happy for Mao for she had her happy ending. While my ending isn't coming yet. I told myself, "If, Dan and I, were to become together, like get married, or become together then break up, I'll believe in, First Love never dies,"

But since, what I knew was he never did anything good but to chase girls. What good would it do me to be with him right? LOL

So yep, did you see the similarities? har har. I'm some other people's Love Consultant, But I don't have a lovelife myself.

Well, anyhow, if you know me, and doesn't believe me, or doesn't believe me at all. I want you to get your hopes up, and watch "kimikiss pure rouge" for more references. It's a unique anime, That I love-hated at.

Oh well, I shared you a piece of my mind. Do you mind?