The Melancholy of Yuki/Rukia Nee-san

New blog name!

2011-06-21T18:34:00.001+08:00

Oh, I just thought to get a new blog, still blogspot though! I just thought, that it'll be a blog that'll be full of randomness and more.. randomness! Well I won't be able to help it if I posted something depressing but please at least bear with me, or something.

I noticed something in this blog, I did nothing but... post a depressing entry everytime I cry. lmao!
Well anyway, cheer up!!

And visit me at:

http://satsunyan.blogspot.com/

nyaan~

It's because I am often misunderstood and unheard.

2011-01-30T21:53:00.002+08:00

So today, I received some words.

"If you won't know how you would respect yourself at least learn how to respect your parents before it's too late for your life to change."

That's good. At least someone knows that I rarely respect my parents or anyone in my house for that matter. Maybe it's because I just learned how to

stop caring.

Don't that just happen to you if you've experienced epic trauma being with a group of people or just being alone in general? Or when you're just utterly misunderstood and misheard?

Don't you just hate the feeling of you were asked something, you answered. You reasoned out but told to stop reasoning out?

And then, after learning your mistake, once more you are asked something you answered and did not reason out and then you were suddenly asked to reason out?

And then rinse and repeat. It sometimes gets tiring. Sometimes in life having good memory will also be the cause of your death.

But then I was told;

being too kind might also be your cause of death.

And I answered that I don't care. I said; I'd die if I would die. Of course the thought of dying makes me scared. What can I do? if I die, I'll die.

Going back to topic, this post is just another post of how I fail at life. How I do not know how respect my elders, my parents, my family members.

What I was asking for was just little respect from them, but then, because of what I've done in the past, I think I particularly forgot that;

I deserve none.

Which routes back to why I even dream of being a respectable singer, a respectable and influential person, when I've lost all right to that title a long long time ago.

I am not respectable.

Because.

Stealing and Killing people is a heinous crime.

When did my head become this big to start with? That I started wanting for respect;

which I do not deserve.

Then from now on, I must increase my respect for people even if they do not respect me at all. Because;

I do not deserve anything.

Even thought I've told people, "You've got all the right to your happiness." "You deserve the happiness you want." "Happiness does not deny anyone." It's true. But what am I doing saying this?

I am denying happiness itself.

Happiness is not denying me, but I guess, I am denying it with all my power.

Because I've lost my right over it.

If I can go die now, and be forgotten. That'd be nice. It'll make sure that I was 'lost' and then pronounced 'dead' after 7 years. So that my family won't have to spend a cent over me. So that they won't need to pay expenses for my burial, and do mourning or such.

Because I've lost all right to those long ago.

I wonder why would people admire me though. Why would they call me epic? Why would they idolize me? Why would they become a fan of me?

Why would they support me?

Oh.

It's because they don't know anything.

Then I'm telling you now. I give people around me nothing;

but bad luck.

Do you want bad luck? If you do, I can totally share you a lot. But at the same time making sure that I'll take around 90% of the bad luck.

I don't like seeing people suffer, so I'll suffer for them instead.

My life has been nothing but depression. World says you spend 70% of your life with your family. But then...

my family isn't happy with me.

I am a disappointment.

Most probably a disgrace too.

My whole life I've done nothing but dream for the unreachable. So from now on, I swear to myself;

Soon, I'll leave this house, and stop being burden to them.

And with that, I'll leave everything I've been borrowing. This computer, every clothing they've bought for me, my phone, my iPod, my PSP, book, dvds, everything. But then again, how could I do that?

my life is borrowed too.

I can never own anything. Even if I buy clothing using money I worked hard for. This life I have is borrowed. Then it can never be mine. *scratches head* I totally screwed up there.

But then again, I've always known that in my life;

I exist for other's benefits.

Ooohhhh~ I realize now. So that means being used is my real use then. That means there's no, standing on my own two feet, living my own life, living for myself. Because I can only live for;

someone else.

I get it now. Oh, you are probably wondering now why I have a borrowed life? Because I wasn't supposed to be here. You know those, accidental babies, etc, etc, yada, yada. I'm a real daughter by my parents though (or so I think, who knows?) but then, I remember being told, "We didn't expect you." or something along the lines of those. That means my birth was an accident.

I am an accident.

a failure.

And if you must know, accidents leave marks, failures aren't perfect. So I've been nothing. All my life, I've lived for somebody else, and somebody else being my family. My life was manipulated, what I know about the world was limited until I was introduced to internet. I learned everything I know the hard way. I learned that I've been living

a lie. All along.

But, that doesn't mean I've been lying. When I told you, that you're important to me, you are. If I said that I love you, I love you. If I told you that you're a friend, you're a friend. If I said Thank you.

Thank you.

This makes a good last will and testament doesn't it? Well then, I shall make this one. If I die I want everyone I know to know this:

"Thank you for making me a part of your life. I've enjoyed every minute, every second I've spent with you. To every IRL friend I have, it has been a long run, but I need to go. I hope I don't see you again soon. To every Online friend I have, I do want to meet you guys. But make sure I don't meet you now okay? I could wait a few more centuries. Waiting is my only specialty after all *thumbs up* To my family, thank you for putting up with me. It was a very nice borrowed life. Please do not be sad. It was a fun time being with all of you. Even if there are more painful times. I hope to not see you all soon."

And I want everyone to send me off with a smile. Anyone I'd catch crying I'd go haunt you in your dreams and I'll make sure that I'll be scaaaarreeeeehhhhhhh~!! BOO!

Why am I doing this? Who knows? Maybe I won't have a time to do this in the near future (AKA Tomorrow) or something. Better make it early so I won't have any regrets if I left the world in an accident or something.

Man, this has been a long post. I did not intend to mope around this long about my life that doesn't really mean anything for now. I'll continue living for other people. It doesn't really matter if they don't believe it. I will live for people important to me. Whether they want it or not. Cause I can't live for myself. I do not own this life I have. I just borrowed it, and can do what I want with it.

Looking at that, there's nothing to admire about me after all. I might be smiling at you right now, but what I do? Is cry in loneliness. I cry alone. And crying alone,

is madness. sadness. loneliness. a sign of weakness.

Only strong people can cry in-front of other people. Because it means they can overcome things. But because I'm weak, because I rely on a borrowed life, because I live for other people. Because I am living a life that is not mine. As I am writing there, I am writhing in pain and crying alone until after I finished maybe I might still be writing. And drown myself in self-pity and loneliness.

To everyone who admires me or anything like that:

Thank you very much. You guys truly make me happy. However, I am living a borrowed life. You don't need to pretend to admire me if you don't want to. I will have to continue living this life until my time is up. Until then, you do not need to follow me or something because you might find more wonderful people if you move on.

I really thank you for the emotion. Even living this kind of life, I will forever treasure our time together. But if right now you choose to stand by my side, remember that you can blame me for everything that will happen to you. Because they are and would always be my fault.

I've lived a life filled with loneliness. Apparently to me, getting ignored is normal. Being not listened to is normal as well. So if I begin to sound unpleasant to you, also known as, boasty or anything. I am sorry, it is because I do not actually meet people who would be kind enough to listen to me. You are too kind. You do not have to bear with me if I am unbearable. I swear to you, it would be painful, but, it is better to leave me than to stick with me as you will gain nothing from staying with a bad luck magnet such as my life.

I won't even mind it if you suddenly ignored me. Because I would just treat it as something normal, I know you'd eventually grow accustomed to it. But, since I am alive to be used by anyone, you can feel free to trash me anywhere, and then just pick me up again if you need my help.

True, painful thoughts are painful. But because I have thought, realized, and burnt to my mind that this is my true purpose in life, my way of thinking will not change. Until I found another reason, maybe.

Thank you for reading. I am sure that this post have been filled with nothing but naught, sadness, self-centeredness, boastfulness and whatever offending things. Thank you for reading.

Stealing and Killing?

Because I stole money to buy what I want. And I killed people because I argued with them and passed them bad luck.

I am a good for nothing.

a sinner.

that must be why my name starts with, 'Maria.'

It's because I fail at life.

2010-06-30T18:25:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since I cried this much. Nyaha~ And I think I'm still crying, but oh well, who on earth would actually care right?

I chose a resolve to not reason out just to save myself, and accept whatever that is headed. Who would've thought it would hurt this much if it actually counts? Like having a fight with a friend, and not reasoning out and that friend ends up getting mad at you.

Well idiotic okay, well that's just the kind of person I am. An idiot. Yes. I don't know what to write anymore, maybe it's because I've cried out and is still crying out the emotions that I wanted to tell someone.

Retaliating my own sadness, is what I've been doing, because no one had always been present for me, and I always had this mind set of 'Do not bother other people with your own problem, because they have their share.' There's also this 'Don't show or tell people you're hurting, you're like someone looking for their pity.'

Its part of how I was raised, idiotic way yeah right, but who cares really? I only end up hurting myself (I hope) so if I'm the only one hurting, then... it should be fine.

Well, that should be all of them, maybe.

see you.

In this song is how I currently feel =)

English Translations Here:
Credits to Zwei@Coalguys.com
English Translation

“Continuation of a Dream”
Lyrics: Mizuki Nana
Composition: Mizuki Nana
Arrangement: Fujita Junpei (Elements Garden)

I’m always apologizing and saying, “I’m sorry.”
But the truth was, I just wanted to talk with you.
So you silently nodded your head as if to say “Do your best,”
And gave my back a push back in those dreamlike days.

I want to thank you
As loudly as I can,
With all the feelings I couldn’t say in my embarrassment.
I want my gratitude to reach you,
The one I love.
No matter where you go,
We’ll be linked together in song.

We crossed paths many times.
In times of sorrow we cried together.
We kept believing as we stepped forward.
I’ll never forget those daring days.

Whenever I see your bright smile,
I think of going forward without hesitation
With a still far-off dream in mind.
You taught me the wonders of happiness.
Please be with me forever,
My most beloved.

I want to thank you
As loudly as I can,
With all the feelings I couldn’t say in my embarrassment.
I want my gratitude to reach you,
The one I love.
No matter where you go,
We’ll be linked together in song.

"May other opportunities pa!" Eh paano kung wala na?

2010-03-31T19:22:00.003+08:00

Sabi nila, "Live everyday as if it were your last!"
pero sabi din nila, "Inuhahin mo muna ito, may other opportunities pa!"

Oh sige, sinong malabo ngaun?

Well, there's been this issue about band performances and then again, the karaoke singing contest. Well everything coincides with my life. We already canceled our band performance, because our guitarist had to leave on Sunday. So I decided to join the karaoke singing contest, so I could still use the effort I wasted into practicing songs, so they won't go to waste, and break my curse.

Ever since I decided that I wanted to be a singer. I've always had this situation of...

There's an upcoming contest! So I prepare. 3 days before the audition, I get sick for particularly no reason. I give up, thinking there would be more opportunities.

And this went on for 4 years. And this year, on it's fifth year, I decided to break it, by skipping school, joining a singing contest, whilst being sick. Well I won 3rd place. Yay for me.

And now, this is happening again, I'm currently sick a week before a contest. Audition is on day 1 (friday-holiday) Eliminations on day 2 (saturday, morning class + pe class) and finals on day 3 (rest day)

If ever I got in the Auditions, and the performance on Eliminations is in the morning, I decided I would skip classes. But then again, it's school. (lol screw school) so I'm hoping dearly that the performances would be in the afternoon. But, there's a battle of the bands in the afternoon...

Oh well. I'd rather not think about this. And kill myself, I mean, stress myself. Maybe I'd just rather, not do it. I think it's for the best. :) even if it depresses me the greatest. (:

~de arimasu.

Kanji/Romaji: Mizuki Nana - Freestyle (フリースタイル)

2009-04-20T11:42:00.009+08:00

Well, I was bored, and the song was so bouncy. I searched for the lyrics and to no avail. Found the Kanji lyrics instead of the Romaji one. So I felt bad, since not anyone can enjoy the bouncy-ness of the song and jump, bounce and sing with the song. So I romanized it! =D Please Enjoy! Credits please when Taken out of my Blog :)

If you don't know the song, you can still bounce with me!
Freestyle - Mizuki Nana [Youtube]

Kanji (Kanji Lyrics Credits to: LyricsWiki.Com)

フリースタイルで空を飛ぶの
ココロのカギを外して
真っ白なハートの一部が
あなたの羽根の色のようで
ホント似たもの同志だったね

通りかかったペットショップで
どこにでも飛んでいけそうな
羽根を持ってるあなたと出会ったの

最近失恋して出来た
寂しい気持ちと時間は
あなたの姿を見てると癒されてく

マスカラよりも近い距離から
見つめ会っていたかった恋
真っ黒なこの涙はあなたが拭ってみせてね

夏の浜辺で終わった恋に
別れを告げきれずまだ
寂しい胸の内
カゴの中のあなたと私は似たもの同志ね

私には羽根ががないけれど
飛び込みたい空があるんだよ
自由でかっこいい飛び方教えてよね

笑顔でいつもいたいけど
そう上手くは行かないよね
だけどそうありたいと思う限り頑張ろう

いつか精一杯の助走をつけて
一緒に空を飛ぼうね
おもいきり羽ばたいて
カゴの中のあなた随分、待ち切れないようね

そろそろ外の世界へと希望を探す旅に出ましょう
勇気を出して飛び立とう一大決心

そして、、、

海鳥飛び交う空に
あなたを放ってあげる
雲に交じり消えた
あなたに負けはしないように私も頑張るよ

フリースタイルで空を飛ぶの
ココロのカギを外して
真っ白なハートの一部が
あなたの羽根の色のようで
ホント似たもの同志だったね

ROMAJI

furiisutairu de sora wo tobu no
kokoro no kagi wo hazushite
masshiro na haato no ichibu ga
anata no hane no iro no you de
honto ni ta mono doushi datta ne

toori kakatta PETTOSHOPPU de
doko ni demo tondeike sou na
hane wo motteru anata to deatta no

saikin shitsuren shite dekita
sabishii kimochi to jikan wa
anata no sugata wo miteru to iyasareteku

masukara yori mo chikai kyori kara
mitsu meatte itakatta koi
makkuro na kono namida wa anata ga nugutte misetene

natsu no hamabe de owatta koi ni
wakare wo tsuge kirezumada
sabishii mune no uchi
kago no naka no anata to watashi wa ni ta mono doushi ne

watashi ni wa hane gaganai keredo　
tobiko mitai sora ga arundayo
jiyuu dekakkoii tobi kata oshiete yone

egao de itsumo itai kedo
sou umaku wa ikanai yo ne
dakedo sou aritai to omou kagiri ganbarou

itsuka seiippai no josou wo tsukete
issho ni sora wo tobu ne
omoikiri hane bataite
kago no nakano anata zuibun , machi kirenai you ne

sorosoro soto no sekai heto kibou wo sagasu tabi ni demashou
yuuki wo dashite tobitatou ichi dai kesshin

soshite

umi tori tobikau sora ni
anata wo hanatte ageru
kumo ni majiri kieta
anata ni make wa shinai youni watashi mo ganbaru yo

furiisutairu de sora wo tobu no
kokoro no kagi wo hazushite
masshiro na haato no ichibu ga
anata no hane no iro no you de
honto ni ta mono doushi datta ne

I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do! =D PLEASE CREDITS WHEN TAKEN OUT! You can request for Romaji lyrics, as long as you provide a scan of the KANJI lyrics OR a link to the KANJI lyrics. I can do them. Just comment on this post, or any of my posts that includes in Lyrics. I will romanize them for you.

More lyrics coming when I have more free time!

Please Enjoy Nana-san's Freestyle! furiisutairu de sora wo tobu no kokoro no kagi wo hazushite~~

~De arimasu

Shana-nee/Yuki-nee

Graduating High School is a Gruesome day.

2009-03-18T20:36:00.002+08:00

I've never had a best friend during High School. Never had someone with me, to take to college. I think I'm going to set a journey to find friends again. When You see me hanging out with friends, I'm like a black hair in a pile of hay. I was just there, cause no one would come with me. So I come with them.

I've always gained friends, and lost them right after parting. During elementary it's because of the house location. All of their houses are near our school. I'm so far-away from them. I thought I had friends, when I graduated, I lost them all.

Now, I'm graduating high school, yes, I'm sad, I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna miss them all. But that's all that's happening. To be honest, no one bothers to go with me, when I need someone to go to places with. I don't have anyone who wants to stay to my house for a longer time. Like usually, the house location is far. When I ask for you to come with me. It only means 'I've always been alone. I'm lonely. I just want you today to be with me. So you could heal my loneliness for today.' But it seems like no one has noticed my tiresomeness. Masking them with a smile. I'm awezome.

I've never been really close with my family. I'm the last to get the news always. My brother gained a Girl friend. I learned about it last. Cause they don't like talking to me, like i'm an outsider. We're a family. But we're not friends. I learn the news about my family members, because, I'm a part of them. Not Because they want me to know about it.

I need to renew my passport tomorrow. I'm coming with my sister, and I don't think that day would be a good day. I think I'll go on with that day, with my stone face on.

People tells me 'smile it looks better on you.' but when I do it in-front of a mirror. All I can say is. 'so ugly. I think a serious face looks gorgeous'

I was never raised a 'cheerful person' so it's hard to breakthrough my endless mask of happiness. When you ask me to smile, I'm smiling, but you can't see it. Cause, all my life, the number of times I've frowned, is greater by more than half of the number of times I smiled.

During Elementary, I had a best friend. But the truth was, she had a best friend of her own. I was just a by-passer who needed a guide. When she graduated. We're gone.

Now. Where do I find friends? I think those people online that I talk to, I trust them so much, but I don't know what they say, when they're not talking to me. Though I trust them much. Sooooo much.

So as I was saying. Graduating High School is a gruesome day. Cause it's the day I lose my friends. Basically. Unless you swear to me "Ate Kams! I'll forever be your friend!" And mentally crossing your fingers or crossing your fingers behind you, it's fine. You were trying to comfort me. Thank you.

So why am I like this? Like I said. My whole life, I'm an in-born errand runner. Even if they can do it themselves. Fetch water? Open the door? Why? I'm tired. They tell me they're tired. Like they're only the person tired. Usually a conversation like this goes on.

P1: Please get me a water.
me: Don't wanna I'm tired.
P1: TIRED?! What did you DO?! I walked around all day. So get it for me.
me: I was sitting here staring my eyeballs out the screen doing my work.
P1: What work? Do you even get paid to do that?
me: No. But at least I help people.
P1: psh. help people. So what? you were just sitting there. Staring at the screen. What's tiring with that?
So I just go ahead and fetch it. I'm the loser no matter how you look at it.

I may have flu, coughs, sore body, sore knee, sore back. I do what they tell me to do. If you ask me not to overwork myself. I'm sorry, I don't believe that you're truthfully concerned, and I can't do that.

This also answers 'why why why' suggestions doesn't easily go past me. Cause I don't believe that the person, is truthfully telling me that.

Well not maybe all my life, at least, most of my life is composed of orders. That's why I'm so obedient. And rarely asks for other people's favors. When people are doing favors for me, I kindly decline it. I don't need help. More like, no one offers their help. And if I DO really NEED help. No one can help. But it's okay. I've set myself to set goals to helping people.

But you know, I'm not some robot, I'm not mad. I need some feelings too. People around me treat me like I don't have feelings. Like I'm some kinda mannequin, that tells and go, and you can say and go to. I had said before, I can survive alone. Yes I can. But this is what I'm telling you. I'll be sad all my life.

I have temper issues. Right. I have mental defects. Right. Why? the reason I don't have friends.

No one in this world has accepted me for who I am. Not even my family. It's not a hard thing. Usually it takes time for these to happen. But. seventeen years? Haha. Good joke.

People always criticize me, and hasn't understood me since then. All I did was. Adjust myself, my feelings for them. So I don't hurt them. But they don't care if I get hurt. Rawr.

I'm telling this. It's self pity. Yes. Self-pity is the result of low self-esteem. People who doesn't have confidence in them. I'm one of them. Self-pity is one of our ways into venting anger and depression, before I catch an illness here. But no one seem to accept it.

I was once criticized about it, and was ORDERED to fix it. Cause it's wrong. I was trying. But when I told that person that, I have a problem with her, and I don't think it's just me. She says she will. Obviously, she had been shoving this 'open minded' crap to my face. While she can't do it herself. ironic. How crapping.

I have so many deep wounds. I don't have anaesthetic to heal them. Why. you're here reading. Can YOU do that?

-- Shanatan

Good Thing I'm going to leave SMS now.

2009-02-15T13:49:00.002+08:00

I love you Ms. B. like We're some kinda criminal

Nuff said, that's all I'm gonna post.

I'm glad I'm leaving Southernside Montessori School.

Thanks to SMS that I met most of my good friends, and good teachers.
But also.
Thanks to SMS, I hated it so much because of their beloved awesome ...............

When I become an artist. I swear to delete my 'High School' in my profile. ^^

"You don't need to worry about me, I can survive Alone,"

2009-01-21T20:48:00.002+08:00

Well I just learned something new, Thanks a lot Aisaka Taiga. Well you see, I've been watching Toradora in a while. And Aisaka Taiga, just said these phrases.

そんなに。。。心配しなくていいよ。。。 (You know... You don't have to worry about me)
一人でも。。。たちあがれるから。。。(Even if I'm alone. I can stand up on my own.)
だから。。。(That's why...)
だいじょうぶ。。。(It's all right.)
あたしのことわばかり。。。きにしないで。(Just forget worrying about me.)

I guess it reflects to me a lot. No one really cares about me nor about my efforts, so it's okay.

"A person cannot live alone." I agree, that is solely true. But, people doesn't have to worry about me, solving problems on my own, are my specialty. Like Taiga said, Even If I'm alone, I can stand up on my own. I might not be able to stand up for myself, but I'm sure, I can stand up on my own.

This time, I don't have a problem saying this, but this is something that, I need to clear up with myself. I've been on this mindset, and I'm going about this until the end.

I help people and I love helping people. But, there are times that I want a 'sincere' thanks. I want you to do something for me, though I guess it's not applicable until you ask for it.

Just like this:
Me: Oh, tell your friend to buy the tickets from me for P30, Cause I have 30 tickets. (We're talking about Tom's World Tickets)
Person: LoL, why would she buy it?
Me: Oh, if she buys it, then she buys it, if she doesn't want it, I'll give it to her. LOL.

It's not really intelligence I guess, cause it's not in my point to, outwit the other side. Even if she agrees, I'd either, accept it, lower the price, or just give it.

Though, In my life, I've only had 2 best friends, but I have no connections to now, I guess I can't really consider hem as best friends. I have few close friends, Mara, Patrice, Ran, Aica and the 8 people I'm with, Shanine, Airess, Kath, Kathy labs, Karla, Carla, Joyce and Jemmii.

I don't have a best friend, really. Mara = Patrice, Aica = Ran, Shanine = Karla, Kathy = Jemmii = Airess, You can say Joyce = Carla. You see? We're not even rofl.

High School is ending soon, 2 more months to tie it off. Nothing changed since Elementary. How sad.

Well I guess, this'll be the end for this entry. As I would always do.

そんなに。。。心配しなくていいよ。。。 (You know... You don't have to worry about me)
一人でも。。。たちあがれるから。。。(Even if I'm alone. I can stand up on my own.)
だから。。。(That's why...)
だいじょうぶ。。。(It's all right.)
あたしのことわばかり。。。きにしないで。(Just forget worrying about me.)

I'm NOT EMO! Die you imbecile if dare you call me that.

2009-01-13T18:05:00.002+08:00

Well, Long time no see, dear blog. Belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you, though now I am. =)

You know... I've been sad lately. Well specifically last Sunday (January 11, 2009), my wallet was snatched, my beloved Wallet... my precious wallet. Oh well it's gone, who ever took it, may karma get to you, and may you go to hell. *bow*

Lately, I think I've been having more enemies? Rofl, Anyway I just think so I do. Anyhow, Kara's been doing good. I'm so glad.

~ de arimasu.

So that I can say that I updated. hehe.

わたしは裏しいです。 (I am Happy.)
本当おです、それからに、してるます。(I've been happy, believe me)
ありがたいやらへん。(Thank you Very Much)

The similarity of coughprettycough Kamchii and Mizusawa Mao

2008-10-28T21:28:00.005+08:00

And... that's what I was talking about. Mao, as I've judged, is a kind tsundere.
Like some guy said there to me: "reminds me of a certain someone..." and I was like. "Ouch" XD Well I do. Amongst all of the anime characters I've known, Mao is the one I can relate to the most. Let's tell Mao's story first.

Mao, has a childhood friend named Kouichi. And at the beginning of the story, she says that he's like a Younger Brother to her. Thus Kouichi in return calls her "Mao-neechan" cause he thinks the same way. She's a year older than him.

On the day of first day in school she bumps with her guy classmate who plays the saxophone. And later on the story, she hits it off with him. The guy's name is Kai. For me, it doesn't really seem like Mao really liked Kai, cause she always seem to be pre-occupied. On the other hand, Kouichi has a girl he likes, her name's Yumi.

Mao, became Kouichi's love consultant, and she helped him to make moves on Yumi so they can be a couple. Mao, loves into helping her friends about their love concerns, but doesn't have a lovelife herself.

Mao, who thinks of Kouichi as a younger brother, cheers on for him and Yumi. A martyr indeed. Mao is one of those, seductive, kind, tsundere character. Anyhow, Mao, rooted for Kouichi and Yumi till the end. Until she realizes her own feelings, breaks up with Kai, and tries her best to hide it from Kouichi. Though it's a little late that she realizes her feelings for him. It also happened that she told him her own feelings. Showing one of her Tsundere sides:

(Mao caught a fever after breaking up with Kai)
Kouichi: Mao-neechan... is something wrong?
Mao: It's nothing, leave me alone.
Kouichi: I heard you broke up with Kai-san.
(Mao looks surprised)
Kouichi: If you're sad because of that, tell me! I'll talk to Kai-s
Mao: Stop it!
Kouichi: B-but...
Mao: STOP IT! Because the one I like is you, Kouichi! Get out!

Tsundere like no? For those who doesn't now, Tsundere are characters who faces up a tough front, often hot headed but has a very soft side to them. After that, Kouichi became bother, but he still went into going out with Yumi. Until at the end of the story, like I mean it. THE END of the story, he realizes he was lying with himself, and the one he really loves is his Mao "neechan" and then proposes, she accepts him, and the end. With 2 kiss scenes.

Man, my story didn't go like that, but here goes mine. We're the seductive and funny type. XD Here's my most favourite Mao line.

(Mao, inside the shower, undressing)
Kouichi: Wait!
(opens the door and sees Mao undressing)
(Mao shrieks, Kouichi closes the door)
Mao: What? You pervert. Or... do you want to come inside with me?

<3333 Sometimes I do that too. In chats though. That scene never happened with me in real life. Well if ever it will, I might do that too, it'll be fun. XD but for me it's like this in chat.

Me: brb, bath
chatmate: alright enjoy!!
me: what? want to come with me?

Also, to those Kimikiss fans, and hate Mao, you're crap. That's all I can say. Mao regretted it a lot for not realizin her feelings earlier, and you're calling Mao, like she's some beyatch that she played with your hottie Kai, and then broke his heart blah blah. You're CRAP. C-R-A-P. Why am I insane with this? Because I love stories. I love novels. I love to write. And protecting a characters, character, is what a writer would do, if you are though.

Something like that. Anyhow, here's my share of story.
I was young, hmm 12? Not far I guess. Just 4 years ago. There's my childhood friend, let's hide him under the name... Dan. He's my childhood friend. 4 years go, we were being teased as to we look like a couple to them, but what would I know about those things by that time right? I was a late bloomer. When I was about to turn 13, Dan, suddenly left without notice, and I was frustrated, I got irritated. Was it because, the day before he left, he borrowed a Playstation 1 CD from me, and then disappeared? Or was it because I liked him and never knew?

After 4 years, a friend connected us again. And I met Dan again, though even it's just chatting. I realized. "So... all these years, I'm not falling in love seriously, cause... I like him? was that it?" After knowing that he had 2 Girlfriends already, actually hurt me a lot. But what can I do? I'm like part of his background. That time he said he doesn't have any girl he wants to know, and I was like "Go Go! you'll find one soon! Unlike me who doesn't have a Boyfriend." I was rooting for him.

4 years ago, he also liked a girl, and I helped him to get her, but he failed. Sad though. But I'm still a martyr. Now, I can actually tell him my feelings, it's not wrong, we're on a new decade now. But I think it's wrong. Holding onto feelings for a guy, in 4 years without noticing it, until... you talked with him again?

I wouldn't know what I'll do when I see him. What.. slap him? Cause he LEFT ME. Or... what. hug him? Cause I missed him? or, Kiss him cause, I love him what? I'm too young for this. I'm not thinking too much, it might just be that. It's my fantasies. Maybe.

I'm happy for Mao for she had her happy ending. While my ending isn't coming yet. I told myself, "If, Dan and I, were to become together, like get married, or become together then break up, I'll believe in, First Love never dies,"

But since, what I knew was he never did anything good but to chase girls. What good would it do me to be with him right? LOL

So yep, did you see the similarities? har har. I'm some other people's Love Consultant, But I don't have a lovelife myself.

Well, anyhow, if you know me, and doesn't believe me, or doesn't believe me at all. I want you to get your hopes up, and watch "kimikiss pure rouge" for more references. It's a unique anime, That I love-hated at.

Oh well, I shared you a piece of my mind. Do you mind?

Looks like Mr. and Mrs. Bad Luck are back.

2008-10-24T21:38:00.003+08:00

So many bad lucks. Haven't they gotten the best of me? Or they would've gotten the best of me, once I've been seriously damaged?

October is the one. Right after May. October goes. Bad luck month. Yay <3. style="font-weight: bold;">-- --
-- --
-- 11 --
-- --
-- -- --

On the "11" part, I should be there. Front Lines no? But yet I'm not.

To Tell you, we lost the contest, and this classmate tells me:
"You now, no blaming here alright? but, Kamille, it's your fault really, you were to engrossed in changing here, even went to the CR at the lobby to change, so you were late, and didn't get to dance," I feel so enraged. Such insensitivity. Doesn't he sense that I've been blaming myself already for our lost? And Can't even smile a REAL Smile while dancing the rest of the dances for that day? I answered him; "Didn't you know that I wanted to CRY SO BADLY, because I didn't get to DANCE?!" and he kept quiet. But no sorrys were heard. The nerve.

I've been stressed so much. Thinking about steps for this dance olympics. And this is what I get.

We're supposed to be dancing for 3 songs. Cha Cha, Swing and Waltz. I'm the leader for the Swing. ONLY the SWING.

But It happened, that I became a leader for the 3 SONGS all in ALL. But I was only assigned to SWING.

When we had a dry run. I accidentally changed the dance steps for the Cha Cha dance, and they were like complaining "(pertaining to the ORIGINAL Leader for Cha Cha), you should've danced, look at what happened, the dance steps were altered so much," So I was like "Sorry It was My Fault, I shouldn't have danced, I should've gave her (leader of Cha Cha) my partner, and stayed here inside the classroom,"

Oh Well, Like I've told to myself, I'm born to be blamed. <3

2nd Bad Luck would be,
When my PC broke. We had to change the Motherboard. Sadly it didn't have a "Parallel Port" and he Audio Driver isn't the same as well. Parallel Port is where you insert the Printer, and the Audio Driver is, I can't record any simple songs anymore. =) Like sing with the instrumental, and the like. Can't do that anymore.

My brother talked to me right now, and told me, it was a wrong idea for myself to do that, and there were more options than just to change the motherboard. But what I did, I became selfish, and only thought about fixing my PC ASAP. My Hard Drive was at stake too, reformatting for 4 times in a year. Too bad no? VERY BAD.

It's my fault, I was selfish. My whole life, I never had the right to think about myself. Thank you life.

The other would be, my mother asked me, "Why do you always have a scowl on your face?" I answered her, "Why? You want me to smile like a fool here and there?" My mother replied, "At least keep a calm expression, and not that scowl or a sad face all the time," And I told her, "I wouldn't be like this if it weren't for my sister," And she told me, "I thought you said, that you're fine with her now? That she's gotten a little kind?" And then our conversaton got cut off.

I wanted to tell her, "A child's personality is shaped at the childhood of a child," And I spent my childhood, in sorrow, sadness, and I grew up being stupid. Didn't know that Water isn't supposed to be called 'edible' but 'potable' instead. Grew, up that didn't know how to commute. Knowing only how to wash the dishes. Think about other's first before itself. Be kind like an angel, and is not thought the art of "turning people down", born to be blamed, a stupid lady. The day won't end if I weren' called 'stupid' just once. All the people who cares about me already passed away, my eldest brother, and my grandmother on my mother's side who took care of me while, my mother and father are at work. Am I next? LOL

My Mother and Father, always side with my sister, my sister manipulates my life, I have no freedom in my life. I wish to be free soon. Like a freebird. Woohoo. My Second Brother, is not here, either wise he doesn't care.

I give all of my thoughts through writing, I write all of my sadness and anger out. Growing with people back stabbing me, people disliking me, having no real friends, and having only friends who leaves me during my time of chaos.

I always give out the feeling of loving people even if I don't know them, but I've never felt the thing "being loved". Never had a boyfriend, men are intimidated with me.

They don't like rubbish women like me, who doesn't powder her face, doesn't fix her hair, and has no sense of fashion, adding to that, someone who doesn't regularly smile unless she talks.

I hate the side of me that my emotions are all not seen, because I grew up bottling up, not showin, and not letting anyone see it. So if I have a problem they won't see it. Cause no one's payin attention. <3.

I've been living my life with all this. So I'm asking you, "how does it feel like to smile naturally?" If you're someone who has seen me in pictures, can I ask you "Does my smile seem real?" "Does it come from the heart?" "Do you sense happiness?"

I might be a joyous person, and all this side I'm typing here is not a simple impersonation. This is real. Like I said "Blog you're my best friend, you're the only thing I can count on to, Thanks for being there."

Now why would I lie to my Best Friend? Right?

I've never cried in-front of people. Because those people who says, that if I need a shoulder to cry on, I can cry on them, never really appeared. Like never really. I get affected by things around me easily. Cause I grew up to be "Pay attention to everything around you!" So leaving that ability out, is something hard.

Won't there be the person coming to give me a hand and pull me out of this pit?

yg4253

2008-09-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

oh man.

dammit.

clothes.

Coughs and Colds are what I hate. T.T

2008-09-20T21:21:00.003+08:00

Man, today September 20, 2008, we went to a choir contest "Voices in Harmony" first time joining a contest at ALL. Like the first contest I joined, maybe because I was with other people. I've had coughs and colds since last Tuesday, good thing I was able to sing. Kamchii fighting!

And right now, my coughs are getting stronger, my eyes are spilling out tears for crying due to extensive coughing and sneezing. Looks like cold is on its way to me.

My parents were away today, so I messaged them to buy me this cough syrup. But oh my behold! They've got nothing, good grief, they want me to get REAL sick before they buy me medicine. Thanks a lot, making me suffer helps me a lot. Like great. The thing that I don't want to do the most was to skip school due to simple sicknesses like coughs, colds and fevers.

I've been there to catch up on a lot of things now, and yet I'm still sick, and my parents won't buy me medicine. Esp., my mother. I've texted her a gazillion times of it, but they don't bring it up, or tell me "here's your medicine" or what.

Not a thing.

It irrtates me.

Hell.

May you Rest In Peace, dear Eye Glasses.

2008-08-09T18:14:00.003+08:00

Like I said, May you rest in Peace dear Eye Glasses.

Today when I came home, I had a heated argument with my sister because of our router installer. How stupid right? It's my fault. Because I'm lazy.

Something bad from the personality is, my tone of speaking, people misunderstands me a lot, because of my voice's tone in speaking. My Mother got mad at us. And when she was rendering her 'speech' I was the only one who can hear it. Thus I was the only who heard it and got hurt.

As you all know, I wear eyeglasses don't I? I removed it, =) And when she (my Mom) passed by me when she got out of the house, I stood up, and threw my glasses on the cement, and poof! IT multiplied!

I was having migraines as to I think my eyes' grades are increasing, so I don't need glasses anymore, let migraines be migraines, until I have wished for new eyeglasses.

Aside from that, I went inside our house, slammed my head, on a wall, one, two, uhh.. eight times. Then walked to a cabinet.

Gave it a right straight 2 times, a left straight and another right straight, so right now, both my fists have bruises, and are semi-swollen. They both have blood clothes I think. hahah! Fun.

my head hurts, my hand hurts. Sometimes when you feel hurt you just feel like hurting yourself until you feel it hurt right?

Instead of hitting my mom, I hit myself, wow. XDD

I was so frustrated, and is still am. I don't know how to change my attitude, nor my way of speaking, I want to change myself, into something people can accept, in this world, no one has accepted me for being me, and has endured how I am, and for being myself.

I alway have to put up a facade, that shows what people; my parents, wants to see from me.

With this, freedom was forcefully taken from my life. Thus I don't have the 'freedom to express oneself' within me.

I have freedom to do what I want, do everything I want.

But when time comes that I have to express, prove, and say something about myself. Everything becomes darkness. And no one listens anymore.

Minjoo, Labs Avii, Axel-nii, Hanji unni, Anne unni, April nee-san, Rita, Jon-nii, Jonathan, Austin Oppa, Emily, Daddyyy, Joseph/Mi-Chan, Nikki, Daphne, Donna Umma, Diane unni, Jen Unni, Yen Unni, Ate Mae, Yuki, Cher, Jeff, Gabby, Christy, Ichigo and Miszy, Yes I can name and I WILL NAME, all of them, who have helped with my problems, who listens to me, who accepts me for who I am, and loves me the way I am.

My oppas, unnis, dongsaengs, oniichans, oneechans, imoutochans,otuotuchans, everyone listed there, you know who you are. And I thank you for appreciating me. I am living now because of your encouragements.

But sad to say, amongst all of those named, only seven of them I have met in real life, and I'm happy to meet them, and I want to meet them again. And all of them, I want to meet them all! =D

Previously, I was telling I didn't have Family Problems, instead Friend Problems. Looks like they are both now. =)

I'm hoping to see you all soon. I love you my dear friends. =D And my beloved Internet sites, Karabloom, the new kara forum, soompi kara thread, Kzone and Boajjang. I'm glad to meet you guys in these places.

Saying all these made me feel better, though no one can change the fact that my hands, and head hurts till now. XDDD And May you rest in peace dear eye glasses.

~ De arimasu, Shanatan

A rant about Gyuri's hair. =D

2008-07-27T18:36:00.003+08:00

--
I can't seem to get mad to those who hate, dislike, can't accept Gyuri's hair. People who knows me, knows how much I love Gyuri unni. I'm not lesbian. (stabs all those who thinks so). I'm a no.1 Gyuri unni fan, (self proclaimed), aside from us being the same (same Zodiac and traits), I could almost feel her emotions. And everything that is thrown at her. I've felt them too.

A year ago, I had cut my hair the same length. And people didn't like my hair. And how I looked. And what's more, someone actually told me I look ugly. It affected me so much. And it hurts. So I just prayed that my hair would grow asap. And with the feed back of the people. I grew not to like my hair too. As how badly it affected me.

So you guys think? That even if Gyuri unni can't read the messages you put up here. She's still hurt.

Koreans are known as straight-forward people. And right now Gyuri unni doesn't need them. She needs people who would accept the 'new' her. Of course I'm telling that haters of her hair should stop loving her and KARA. I'm just saying that, you guys have to learn to accept her hair. And view it on a brighter side.

Let's say that Gyuri unni is indeed the funniest conceited person there is. But she's human, she gets hurt by simple words.

I didn't hate Gyuri's hair. I only felt sad because growing a long hair that pretty is hard. The moment I saw their come back I accepted her hair. I don't know why people can't just view it on a brighter side.

And somehow into thinking this, there are only a few people who thinks the same way I do.

As Gyuri unni said Please don't tell me, to not keep it I don't think the words of hate towards her hair hurts her. IT DOES. IT HURTS HER. Don't make it as though your head is big, that you keep on telling this because you're speaking english and she won't see it anyway. But fans such as I gets hurt.

Call me obsessed, Call me addicted, call me anything you want But my view on this won't change.

To all those who read this. Thank you so much for reading!! I love you!! I don't want to post this on soompi. Since my posts aren't read there. But if someone's so kind to post this there in my place, thanks.

Anyway, this isn't just my opinion anymore. This is my rant. =) Do you have a rant about it too?

- De arimasu

- by Shanatan

It's been a long time and today is July 17!

2008-07-17T21:59:00.002+08:00

Funggaaaa!!! Congratulations Aya-onee!! For 'Riot Girl' for breaking into #2 in the charts!! Yatta!! Funggaaaaaaaaaa!!! XD I want to buy it for her too. =D

At first week of fourth year high school, I thought it won't be something like 3rd year HS but it turned out to be worse. No not because of the subjects or w/e. But because of time management. We're busy currently, well at least I AM. Cause I have this.

We have Dance Olympics, and our practices are scheduled at TTHF. From 4 - 6pm and 3 - 6pm. Then Sabayang pagbigkas which is not scheduled yet. Then our Radio Drama which is not scheduled yet as well, now we have choir since I got it in the Choir Auditions. XD So my Schedule like went.

Rumbled letters, lines and words. So yeah, though I still don't lose time to go online since I think it's part of my life? I just think though.

We've been out of service by SmartBro these past few days due to the changing of the smart site. But I think it's semikindasorta stable now. =D Well kinda glad for that. Well tomorrow, we'll be having our Career Orientation so yep! I think it'll be a little umm... a bone less in the throat? (tanggal tinik sa lalamunan?) To whoever got it, congratulations! XD SO yeah, until tomorrow, I would write a longer journal entry, since on Saturday I'm going to have some brace adjustments, and UPCAT review, guahahaha!! Anyway, see you soon~~ De arimasu

-- Shana-tan

Well I'm so sorry for being stupid.

2008-06-17T20:05:00.004+08:00

I made a mistake. Fine. I admit it. It's mine. But giving you the cold shoulder, the rant, and the silent treatment. It all adds up to everything. sadness.anger.sadness. Triangular Scale, T-Square. Whatever.

Well, this afternoon we were given C.A.T. Requirements. The Whatever training 4th year students undergo.

Well so I went out to buy them in town. I'm with 2 friends. And we're searching for a garrison belt with a gold buckle. We managed to find 2. So I let them have it. Cause they don't know how to do push-ups, if ever we're punished for not having complete requirements. Wahahah. While I know how to. But Too bad, my right arm hurts, my shoulder hurts, my chest hurts, my legs hurts. Good luck my body. I'm so sorry for pushing you so hard. I shall give you lotsa rest on the following days, at least after our very tiring P.E. with the tiring Exercise and etc.. and dance.

So, our semi-maid, went, but I wasn't there so she went home. I even had a good news for my parents. Because among all of the 224 Graduating Students I ranked 65.5th. Yay Me.

So when my Mother came home. She's mad, and is angered making her way to the kitchen to cook and kept on saying.

"If you didn't go out, there would been food here already, all your dad and I can do is to just eat, and with that the Dogs are already fed."

I said, "Well I had to, and I'm sorry I forgot to cook rice,"

Well all I want to say was, "I used my money for it, good thing I had some, so can you give them back?" Oh well. I'm not gonna ask it back anymore. *sigh* I asked her to buy me the garrison belt with a gold buckle. But she didn't oh wells.

and then she repeated.

"Even if we're already eating here when we get home, I had to cook, even if the dogs are already fed, I still have to feed them,"

I wanna shout, "If you want to blame, then just freaking tell me!"

The idea of abusing my body, (the reason my brother died, :P Just making you feel so sad) and doing push-ups just for a single belt, made me want to cry. But I held them back, so my friends won't feel so guilty as to having the last 2 gold buckles. =D I'm so kind noh? Sorry for boasting it's not my nature.

I still have inferiority Complex 60%, so I'm still not joining the Cheering Competition. Just something Random.

I guess, the worst thing that can happen in your life is to just keep every good news in a yourself, and bear the bad news, the cold shoulder, and the silent treatment all in all until tomorrow morning, the next day, until you can't bear it and ask for money.

Forget about submitting my application form to the school now. Forget it. damn it. (i'm sorry God) I'm not applying for the University of the Philippines. As if I'd pass. Yeah Right. =)

So I want to cry right now.. lalala~ de arimasu

F-you. Don't call me an Emo. People go emotional, and sentimental, doesn't mean they're emos. F-you. whoever you are who's saying "emo.." "so emo... ew," over there. die.

Shana-tan.

Just a Short Birthday Rant Aiyo? XD

2008-06-08T23:09:00.002+08:00

*sigh* This afternoon I was crying for a whole 20 minutes. When I realized that the word "Birthday" doesn't make me feel happy. Not one bit. Reminiscing how I never had a memorable birthday that is.

And how I realized that, "Why do I desire the candles on the cake everytime?" Because I never had a cake on my birthday, nor have I blown a candle. So far as I remember.

I hate it when I remember my childhood and always end up crying.

My birthday usually lands on the first week of school, first day of school, second day of school and etc. So people who greets me in real life can always be counted by the fingers on the hand.

oh well ~ de arimasu.

more rant tomorrow. I think XD

Shana-tan

A Fate/Stay Night Review

2008-06-08T15:45:00.008+08:00

fate/stay Night... has left me a good impression towards anime.
It's the very first anime I've watched, that made me satisfied with the ending. I disregard every fact of the game, thus the game and the anime could NEVER be connected in any way. Way to go Geneon! All hail Geneon! Geneon is the producer of the numerous awesome titles; Ah! My Goddess, Elemental Gelade, Ergo Proxy, Ultra Maniac, Zero no Tsukaima, Shakugan no Shana, R.O.D. The TV, Gatekeepers 21, CardCaptor Sakura, Dragon Ball Z, Fushigi Yuugi, Sailor Moon series, and a lot more!

Therefore, my Fate/Stay Night Review will start: WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!
Animation: 10/10
Artwork: 10/10
Storyline: 8/10
Character Development: 6/10
Uniqueness: 10/10

First of all, I'm a semi-professional writer. I have not written for anything or whatnot. But I've been writing stories, a few reviews and some articles for 8 years now. So somehow, I assume my review to be whatnot respected.

Animation: 10/10
-- The anime's animation is indeed very good. It's not very sketchy, nor does it lack lines. The first few parts of the story kind of focused on the battles, but the battles are great. Not too much shabby effects here, nor there. Just right. All hail Animators of Geneon.

Artwork: 10/10
-- Fate/Stay Night is based from an eroge visual novel game produced by Type-moon. Expecting something from a visual novel game, I expected the artwork to have resembled someone Goshuuso-sama Ninomiya-kun or Clannad in this case. I thought the artwork would be that sketchy, as to most of eroge games are sketchy when it comes to artwork. I really loved the artwork, and the expressions and feelings of the characters are well drawn. Very interesting.

Storyline: 8/10
-- In watching it at first, the story seemed very boring, and etchy. So, it would bore you at first. As the episodes progresses, every thing becomes confusing and still confusing upon the end is approached. Aside from that Saber's true life also is a bit fishy. How come King Arthur is lady so is her right hand man Knight Bedivere is a female as well. The original story of Le Morte D'Arthur - Thomas Malory, Sir Bedivere had disobeyed King Arthur's orders, and that is the reason King Arthur died. But Sir Bedivere did not disobey Saber, thus she should still live. This is the part where I saw a hole, for a continuation of the story. So a possible Season 2 or continuation for a 6th Holy Grail war is possible. (Don't steal this idea! XD It's MINE!). And yes, I know the story of King Arthur. ^^

Character Development: 6/10
-- The lack of Character development for Tohsaka Rin, Archer, Saber and Emiya Shirou made the anime suck in terms of Storyline. There are not enough episodes of talk for everyone. Around 8 episodes only? But the end almost told everything about Saber and Shirou's relationship, thus to they loved each other. At the end, there are no HINTS AT ALL for feelings between Rin and Shirou. For me at least. A lot of people thinks that Shirou x Rin is well deserved. But for me Shirou x Saber FTW!! XD

Uniqueness: 10/10
-- すばらし！すてき！すごいし！

Have fun! I suggest you watching this ~ de arimasu

Shana-nee

Something's hecka bothering me for a while.

2008-06-06T23:06:00.005+08:00

Right now, I'm an Official Saber fangirl. And I'm only at Episode 17th of Fate/Stay Night. And I'm actually thinking of dropping the anime series right now. It's not bad. It's really not bad. There's just, something, that bugs me into, 'not finishing it anymore'. But I guess I can't do that. I promised my cousin we'll be doing a fanfic. But he's too trigger happy with the pairings. Irritates me a lot. I'm not a fiction writer who writes harem. I hate harem. And will never like it no matter what.

Harem - is the kind of anime, that is focused on one guy, where a lot of Girls are after him. Usually, some harem anime, has the guys eyes on just ONE girl. And the most irritating harem anime is when the main guy just can't make up is mind.
Reverse Harem - very much self-explanatory.

I HATE HAREMS. The only harems I liked would be, Love Hina, Rosario + Vampire, and Zero no Tsukaima. Please poke me if I missed a lot.

Harems irritate me a lot. Love Hina is different, I like it because Keitaro is only focused on Naru. Rosario + Vampire, I like it cause Moka isn't a stupid, clumsy character, her alternate self is awesome, and she's not moe. Moe characters hurts my eyes. Zero no tsukaima, I like this because there was only one pairing. The Main Guy's just a chick boy.

Another thing bothering me would be, Rin Tohsaka isn't a tsundere. After watching 16 running episodes of Fate/Stay night, Haruhi is much more of a tsundere than Rin is. Rin always picks on Shirou, but, it's not tsundere like. Hiiragi Kagami, Katsura Hinagiku, Fujibayashi Kyou, Asuka Langely, Suzumiya Haruhi, Chidori Kaname, Louise Francoise le blanc de la Valliere, Shana, and Sanzenin Nagi are more tsunderekko's for me. Oh well. Drop it.

I hate spoilers, and my cousin just had to shove spoilers right at my face. むかつく。。。 Fate/Stay Night's ending is sad, fine cause I'm a Shirou/Saber, Rin/Archer fan, and the ones left behind in the ending is Shirou/Rin, fine fine. I know, I get it, and I knew the ending even before I started watching the series. I only like Spoilers when I don't plan on watching the anime. But something just pushed me to watch this, and when I was finally forgetting about all of the spoilers, SOMEONE, SOMEONE JUST HAD TO, JUST HAD TO bring it up at ALL! (I'm Sorry God) DAMMIT!

A lot of things is bothering me. And Anime's are starting to get on my nerves, and is starting to corrupt my mind. Everything's mixed up between me, reality, anime, and reality. EVERYTHING'S MIXED UP!

And if you don't want to cry, don't freakin watch Chrno Crusade, cause it's so much sadder than F/S N and any other anime there.

Remembering Deep Love -Ayu no Monogatari- about the lady Prostitute, who was selling her body, in order to help this Grandma's Grandson when the Grandma died, to heal the Grandson, and then she promisedGrandma she'll stop being a prostitute, but kept up with it. The Grandson's father was against the Lady's help and the Lady always spends a night with him just to see the Grandson whom the Lady loves. In the end, the Grandson meets the Lady in the Cemetery, because she had died because of AIDS.

It disturbed me a lot. And that story, I won't explain it anymore, like NOT ANYMORE!! I don't want to remember it, I want to delete it from my files right now. This is the most thing bothering me a lot THIS! T.T <_< Nggrrr... I'm not having mood swings. It suddenly made me feel uncomfortable.

And just someone/something ticked me off a while ago. So Enough of this ~ de arimasu.

I have to pull myself together, SOMETHING's BOTHERING MY MIND, MY WAY OF THINKING, MY HOBBIES, AND MY VIEWS IN LIFE.

Shana-tan

Zettai lovexlove Sengen!! - THE CHILDREN -Kanji/Romaji- Lyrics

2008-06-04T22:21:00.005+08:00

So yeah, I was LSS-ed (Last Song Syndromed) by this song, so I decided to encode/decode the Kanji lyrics from the booklet once again. And by this time, I'm finally enjoying in doing this muahaha! I did this again, cause I wanted to sing the song again, but I guess that'd have to wait till tomorrow. =D Since it's already night today, tomorrow then. =D

So if you take out credit ME like I mean ME. Cause I'm the one who did this. And I most probably forgot this from my last post. But, the single and booklet scan credits all goes to 'nipponsei anime' ^^

Zettai lovexlove Sengen!
Hirano Aya, Shiraishi Ryoko and Tomatsu Haruka

KANJI

隠しても無駄だよ　なんでも全部分かる
不思議じゃないよ　だってアタシは　あなたを　愛してんだもん

ほら　こっち向いて
マジで　loveXlove＜ラブラブ＞　結ばれるのは　絶対なんです！！
ずっと　永遠不壊
エベレストから　世界中に　絶対宣言！！

まだ迷ってるでしょ　アタシと彼女のコト
気ずいていたよ　見逃さないよ　いつでも　見つめてんだもん

もう　受け止めて
２人 loveXlove＜ラブラブ＞　結ばれるのは　絶対なんです！！
ちょっと　抵抗不要
マンボスケイプで　歌いたいわ　絶対宣言！！

ほら　こっち向いて
マジで　loveXlove＜ラブラブ＞　結ばれるのは　絶対なんです！！
きっと　最高未来
バイカル湖まで　響かせるよ　絶対宣言！！

もう　受け止めて
２人　loveXlove＜ラブラブ＞　結ばれるのは　絶対なんです！！
やっば　大半希望
サン　ピエトロで　誓う　愛の　絶対宣言！！

ROMAJI

kakushite mo muda dayo nandemo zenbu wakaru
fushigi janai yo datte atashi wa anata wo aishitendamon

hora kocchi mui te
maji de loveXlove <> musubareru no wa zettai nandesu !!
zutto eien fu he
ebersuto kara sekai juu ni zettai sengen !!

mada mayotteru desho atashi to kanojo no koto
kizuite itayo minogasana iyo itsudemo mitsumetendamon

mou uketomete
futari loveXlove <> musuba rerunoha zettai nandesu !!
chotto teikou fuyou
manbosukeipu de uta itai wa zettai sengen !!

hora kocchi mui te
maji de loveXlove <> musubareru no wa zettai nandesu !!
kitto saikou mirai
baikaru mizuumi made hibika seruyo zettai sengen !!

mou uketomete
futari loveXlove <> musubareru no wa zettai nandesu !!
yabba taihan kibou
san pietoro de chikau ai no zettai sengen !!

If you want the lyrics splittings, just email me, and I'll give it to you. I'm still twice thinking whether I should translate them or not, so yeah. ^^

So, Enjoy ~ De arimasu

Shanatan

One of the best days. And one of my positive entries

2008-06-03T00:28:00.005+08:00

June 02 - 03 is one of the best days in my life. I simply adore 3 now. one would be, it was just totally fun, and two, cause I talked to Ate Jill!

Ate Jill Fernandez - a Filipino dubber, affiliated with creativoices, is really a fun person! I talked/chatted with her today, I'm really having so much fun! I'm so glad too that I didn't bore her or any of the sort with my random-ness. I'm happy with June 03 cause I made a new promising friend!

Ate Jill is the first Filipino dubber I liked, cause I usually liked male Filipino dubbers.

I PMed her somewhere, after stalking for a while (OMG imma stalker-san) but I'm glad I didn't scare her, I'm so happy today! Like very happy!! :D w00t! I should approach her sometime on the upcoming conventions soon. :D

I saw Ate Jill during the Mangaholix Con last May 31. =D

Anyway, reviews of the manga/comics I bought and the whole mangaholix event would be coming sometime soon in my next posts =D~ de arimasu

Shanatan

Over the Future Feat. THE CHILDREN -Kanji/Romaji-

2008-05-30T19:07:00.002+08:00

I was bored. And I torrent-ed Zettai Karen Children' ED Single. And I happen to bump with this song. Too addicted I wanted to sing it. So I actually, tried to read the Kana lyrics from the booklet that came with the single I DLed. So yeah.

When taking it out, CREDIT ME! I mean like ME anyway, here goes!:
Over the Future feat. The CHILDREN
Hirano Aya, Shiraishi Ryoko, and Tomatsu Haruka

KANJI

かなリキてる　無敵のパワー！マジでいいカンジ
絶対可憐！　だから負けない！　明日ヘ　さあいこう

YEAH! 絶対！　大胆
YEAH! 最大！　大胆！

ただ待っているだけの　昨日をも脱ぎ捨てて
WAKUWAKU　できる今日を　手にしたい

触れあうだけでわかる　心のリミター
とき花たれたるホラ　Yes! Change the World!

熱いバトル　何度もトライ！　リアルをつらぬいて
絶対可憐！だから負けない！　スリルがサイコー！

勇気が世界の闇を　照らし　始める！
あなたがくれた奇跡あふれる
誰にも　似てない笑顔　誇リにしたら
未来を今越えよう

Yeah! 絶対！　大胆！
Yeah！最大！　大胆！

こんな困難だーて　案代平気だし
DOKI　DOKI　しながらまたハマーてく

てゆーか「待ってるのはラクだけじやない」こと
わかリ　始めてるから　Don’t lose my way!

傷つくのも怖れないで　どこにでも行ける
絶対可憐！それがポリシー！　痛みも楽しめる

涙は夢のあリかを　探す輝き
それぞれ違う光を放つ
悲しみ抱え込むなら　私も泣こう
未来はこの手にある

勇気が世界の闇を　照らし　始める！
あなたがくれた奇跡あふれる
誰にも　似てない笑顔　誇リにしたら
未来を今越えよう

ROMAJI

kana riki teru muteki no pawaa ! maji de ii kanji
zettai karen ! dakara make nai ! ashita e saa ikou

YEAH! zettai ! daitan !
YEAH! saidai ! daitan !

tada matte iru dake no kinou wo mo nugi sutete
WAKU WAKU dekiru kyou wo teni shitai

Fureau dakede wakaru kokoro no RIMITAA
toki hana tare taru hora Yes! Change the World!

atsui batoru nando mo torai ! riaru wotsuranuite
zettai karen ! dakara make nai ! suriru ga sa ikou!

yuuki ga sekai no yami wo terashi hajimeru !
anata ga kureta kiseki afureru
dare ni mo nite nai egao hokori nishitara
mirai wo ima koe you

Yeah! zettai ! daitan !
Yeah ! saidai ! daitan !

konna konnan datte andai heiki dashi
DOKI DOKI shinagara mata hamaa teku

teyuu ka [ matte runo wa raku dake jyanai] koto
waka ri hajimeteru kara Don ' t lose my way!
kizutsu kunomo osore naide doko ni demo ike ru
zettai karen ! sorega porishii ! itami mo tanoshi meru

namida wa yume no ari ka wo sagasu kagayaki
sorezore chigau hikari wo hanatsu
kanashimi kakae komu nara watashi mo na kou
mirai wa kono teni aru

yuuki ga sekai no yami wo terashi hajimeru !
anata ga kureta kiseki afureru
dare ni mo nite nai egao hokori nishitara
mirai wo ima koe you

I was dragged back to Negative Thinking... and now was dragged back to Positive.

2008-05-27T18:57:00.002+08:00

I heard that my Mother's friend's husband might be suffering heartburns, and was scared to go to the doctor and what the doctor would say. The same case I suffered.

Thinking that my medicine taking will end this thursday, without my Mom, I can't go back to the doctor for another check up, since I don't want a follow up check up with Dr. Sy. I don't know what's wrong with him, but there's this that I don't like about him.

I badly... want to break down, I'll never allow them to x-ray my stomach, like NEVER! Even if I die, NEVER. I don't want anyone to see my stomach.

Sounds insane, but of course I don't think I'm dying LOL. I know heartburns has a cure, and I'm going for that medicinal cure. I'm going to be healthy, and I'm going to eat my favourite foods back.

I want to break down and cry, and plead to Lord that, 'Lord I learned my lesson so badly, I won't do it again, I won't do and make my body suffer anymore, I want to get out of this, I got in this cause it's my big fault, but... I sincerely feel so bad now, I envy healthy people now, I want to be healthy too, eat the foods they can eat, drink everything they can drink, I'll never waste anymore drinks, I'll never waste anymore food, will always eat on time, and will always obey my parents now, I don't want this... I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't want my parent's to put out a lot of money out from their pockets just to cure me, and bring me back to normal, I know you can do this, I know you can cure me back, I know you can cause miracles, that's why I believe in you, and is talking to you right now... I want... to go back. I want to help my parents, and decrease our money consumption, I want... to be healthy again.'

Our bills are out six thousand pesos, but it's quite impossible to attain that, since we've been conserving electricity, even if I'm alone in our house, I conserve water and electricity as well. Cause I don't want them pay a lot of payments. I don't want them to overtime just to get money.

I want to help, I WANT TO HELP. My medicine costs one hundred pesos per piece, and for our economy, that's VERY PRICEY.

I want to be cured... I need the encouragement to actually, face what I can do. I don't want to suffer endoscopy, or whatever you call/spell that thing that x-rays your stomach.

I believe in God, and I know God is teaching me a lesson.

Lesson very well learned, but I don't want to suffer anymore. I may sound sooo, right, selfish, cause I know other people deserves to be 'not suffering' anymore than I do, who has more rights... but this is the only moment that I've been very selfish.

I even promised to share my talents... by finally, showing people what I can do and entertain them. I have a lot of plans on my fourth year, and I need a healthy body to do that.

I have the encouragement now, self reflecting, self talking, and you, my admirable, and awesome reader who's reading all this I wrote. Thank you. I hope/know that you're encouraging me deep down in your heart. And is softly telling me, "God is beside you," I know. I love God.

---
So... it was a long rant, but I guess it enlightened me a lot. I want to pray a lot more time now, and I suddenly wanted to attend a mass. hahaha! Next time I should ask my parents to go to the Mass and not skip it. I love God now, Well I know I loved him, and I abandoned him too. But learning that he's the only one there for you, aside from your parents, when you need enlightenment and courage. I'm proud to be a catholic ~ de arimasu.

-Shanatan

Hirano Aya - Glitter, lyrics

2008-05-23T19:46:00.004+08:00

---
I heard no one has posted Aya Hirano's lyrics' online? Oh well

Glitter
Hirano Aya

tsumi fukai kana usotsuke naino
Don't let me down
damari kon jau kimi no taido ja
misou it's soul shisou? fugainaishi　
dousesonouchi iya narunoni
why naze ? izon shite
hisuterikku ni komara senaide tsukare rukara

(YES Girl meets Dream)
toma ranai warukuchi mitai
(BUT Girl meets truth)!
kagiri naku grey na mainichi ni NO!!
(ubatte) glitter nutte motto
kuchibiru OH! Glamour!
(kanaete) sentou taisei OK~ (maru)

asa yakani kake nuke ro Winning Road
immeeji ijou no jibun ni nare itsudatte
Hyper x Candid

daitan nisaa zenbu sute temitara
karappo de migaru de warae tekuruyone
Baby, sonna akire kao jairarenai
kakugo shitete Are you ready? hashiri dashi ta

houkai sumi no shikoukairo de
Don't look back
tsuyoi kotoba ni obore nainowa
tensei . I say . mansei iname naishi
tamaniwa sukoshi shinji taikedo
nankanaa chigau kara
yuzure nai koto gomakasunante munashii desho

(YES Girl meets Dream)
Hey yo Hey yo! akogare wa junchou ?
(BUT Girl meets truth)!
jimi jimi ni shinchou baka mitaini kinchou
(ubatte) kimi no sono glitter
tsukaimichi hen jan ?
(kanaete) kagayaku hazu motto

shunkan wo tsukami tore shooting star
kanjiru chikara de michibikunda mirai kotto
Hyper x Candid

genkai wo koete kana hajimaru
chippokena utsuuja mou taninai deshou
Maybe sonna kimi no mama ja hikare nai
dakedo nande itsumo houn toke makute

daitan nisaa zenbu sute temitara
karappo de migaru de warae tekuruyonda
Baby, sonna akire kao jairarenai
kakugo kime te Are you ready? hashiri dashi te

--
Credits:
My friend from BoAjjang forums. + me for romanizing and editing

A melancholy at 12:03am May 23,

2008-05-22T23:53:00.002+08:00

I know I've pissed someone a while ago, and was getting all sweaty hands because she doesn't reply anymore. And it's PMS' fault. Sometimes I just can't keep my mouth shut, thinking that not everyone will take my jokes, as a joke.

Well, I've got no guts to criticize them. And I'm really sorry to peanut-ah. XD And I feel like crying already, ever since around 30 minutes ago.

Since I had a similar fate, I mean, experience, but a worse one. Since it's my sister we're talking about here.

me: woot, KARA's so cool
Sister: your favourite member isn't so beautiful at all. She can't even sing.
me: not really, well I admit, she's not pretty at all times, but she wouldn't be a singer if she can't sing.
Sister: well she can't sing, what can we do? She SUCKS.

Hurts my pride. I feel good my Idol can't hear this. But being a fan, not a hardcore, nor an obsessed fan, but JUST as a fan. If these things were shoved to your face like a platter of wet rice you cooked. It stings you on the heart. And leaves a mark.

me: Oh, I didn't know about BoA's live tour on May.
somebeyatch: And you call yourself a fan? It was announced 3 months ago already.
Me: really?
somebeyatch: ya idjit.

dem u. Beyatch.

And I'm sorry for trying this out on peanut-ah. >_> I feel sooo bad.

But seriously I feel like crying now, haha! Seeing back to the past, having sneak peeks of your pasts, makes you take a sneak peek of your past that you don't want to see again. Ever.

Remembering, how bad I was when I was 12. How big of a rebel I am. And how they managed to accept me still. Knowing I don't know what I'm doing.

I was only 12, and I felt the feeling of being grabbed by the collar and getting thrown out of the house.

I was sulking. I got this little corner by the door that leads right away towards outside. When my dad comes home, he cleans his shoes on the rug, and sometimes doesn't notice me.

The rugs like on beside me, if you clean your shoes there I get the dirt. I always arched my back, hugging my knees to my chest. Sulking.Crying. No one noticing me. One time my dearly departed brother told me. "Why are you there? Go over here and sit,"

I went over to him, and got the "Ako diyan eh, ba't nandyan ka?" [Trans: That's my place, why are you there?] comment from my sister. So I immediately went out of the living room and rushed to my bed. Crying. Again.

Another one of those times. We were supposed to play mahjong, me, my sister, my cousin, and my other cousin. Complete 4 players. I told them I don't want to play but I don't like it.

They all ganged up and told me, "Wow, Paimportante, tamad,tamad, feeling ka ah? feel mo malulungkot kami kapag d ka naglaro? Oi, *calls another cousin* turuan ka namin, ung isa kasi dito ayaw maglaro eh." [Trans: Wow, feeling important? You lazy bum, you feel like we need you? You feel like we'll be sad if you don't play? Hey, *calls another cousin*, we'll teach you, since someone there wouldn't want to play,]

Well, I'm 12, I really don't feel like playing, and then, I was like shoved off like some kind of tool that can be used and thrown and used again whenever. I walked out, slowly, my cousin asked, "san pnta mo?" [Trans: Where are you going?] and I told him, "La lang, nuod tv," [Trans: Nothing, watch TV] but in reality. I was crying.

ANYWAY!, I don't want to drag you down to my "reminiscing" and I feel really sad right now. I hate you PMS. I hope you to JUST COME now. I want my.. sadness away soon.

Listening to KARA - Tear Remover/Eraser, kind of, erases my tears. oh well

good Mornight ~De arimasu.

shana-tan

P.S. If only, I weren't with someone... I would've broken down here.

あたしの。。。なくしても。。。ない。 (I'm not crying...)
たつけてください。。。おねがい。。。(Help me please...)
なぐさめるのわたしにか？ (Can you comfort me?)

Why do I keep on saying Bad Luck?

2008-05-20T18:29:00.001+08:00

Well, It's not that I'm ranting again now, cause something bad had happened. Aside from everything with my health going wrong, XD well don't be concerned about that, nothing's seriously wrong.

When I booted my PC something happened, and I'm like. "God... why is this happening? I've been preserving my PC all along.. but.. why?

So I'm like, after thinking stressing for a while, "Why do I always call Bad Luck, everything that's happening to me?"

Well, I admit, health complications are my fault. But, the rashes thing, the PC thing, I dunno what I've done wrong.

but anyway, what'll do this to me huh? STAY POSITIVE KAMILLE!! EVERYTHING WILL BE WELL!

DO not make MAY a MEMORABLE MONTH TOO!

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! And later on... EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!

Go KAMS!

And so... my rant ends ~ de arimasu.

Shana-tan/-nee.

May 18, 2008 -- What is?

2008-05-18T23:20:00.001+08:00

Nothing bad's been happening, aside from my stomach case now. I hope I get cured soon. I REALYL DO HOPE! Please help me pray guys once again.

I still think God is beside me, cause I always feel that.

Enough of my bad, sad, rants. Let's have a happy entry I guess? XD

Anyways, our school starts at June 12, and posting of section's at June 4, I can't wait to see it!! hahaha!! anyway, I don't have anything to write right now anyway, aside from having told that me and my cousin makes a good 'couple'

oh well ~ de arimasu

Shana-nee <3 Shanatan

I want a new mindset

2008-05-11T01:56:00.002+08:00

FIRST OF ALL, DO NOT EVER REMIND ME OF MY SICKNESS. If ever you read my blog, then understand it. Thank you so much.

My luck has been a little swishy swishy the past few days.

This would be lucky the next not, then go on. It's kind of a normal rate now, but I still feel it's not? So yeah.

School is almost there, June 12 is the first day, and a Parent's Orientation on my birthday.

Well this would be really quick and short. XDD so yeah, so you all later, when I have more time to create a blog entry turalalal~ de arimasu

Shana-nee

A half-half day today.

2008-05-03T22:37:00.003+08:00

A Half-half day. Why?
Half-Lucky
Half-Unlucky. Let's go for unlucky first

I'm half-unlucky because~~
As my entry in April 30, my sickness. It came back because I had braces, I haven't been eating well lately, for 2 and a half days now. I hope I could eat good tomorrow so my case won't get worse. GO ME! Go braces! gO MOUTH! GO GUMS! And my sickness. GO AWAY! And we didn't try to get on the plane today since the airplane can only contain 159 passengers, and it was overbooked by 9 passengers. So we passed. Tomorrow it would be 159:159. We have a higher chance tomorrow.

And very much more to that.

I'm half-lucky, because... I enjoy playing 'The World Ends With You" and my friends are helping me pray that we can go to Thailand tomorrow yatta! I also, played with PS (PhotoShop) AGAIN.

So yeah, my shoulders are kinda numb. Uwahahahah!!

half-lucky cause I CAN FINALLY CHEW RICE! XD But they still hurt >_>"

Anyway, that's for today. =D

~De arimasu

Shana-nee

It's May now.

2008-05-01T18:22:00.001+08:00

We didn't get to have our flight yesterday. Since it's overbooked. We were supposed to try today, but to no avail, it's the same, so we were going to try tomorrow, the day that has higher chances. :D

I had my braces today, and they hurt now. And the next two days... will hurt more. XD Go me!! Go atashi!

I dunno, if my continuous bad lucks will go away, but I do hope/wish that they would be now. It's a new month now.

I don't curse April, will never, but I was just plain glad April ended now.

I loved April, cause 2007's April, a lot of good things happened. Well oh well.

I'm still going to love 2008. As to my fortune says, something good will happen.

Go me!, Think Positive! Stop over thinking! GO me! FAITO!!

~ De arimasu

Shana-nee

And now, I told you, April is my bad luck

2008-04-30T16:55:00.002+08:00

And now, well yeah, Today's April's last day. I have said something about random chest pains. And I turn out almost having 'GERD'. Gerd can be serious if left untaken care of. Good thing I decided to ask for a check-up to day.

But with that, I had a lot of restrictions in food and drinks.

My restrictions:
Tea
Iced Tea
Softdrinks/Soda
Coffee
Milk
Beef
Hamburgers
Chocolates
Candies
Junk Foods
Pineapple
Banana
Mangoes

and a lot more >.>

I can only eat; water, flakes, healthy fruits, watery fruits, rice, fish and chicken.

Well go me! At least it can be prevented now. And that's what I'm happy about. I can sleep full hours, and go online a lot of hours now without something to worry about.

I really had a lot of bad luck. This might also be God's way of telling me, I'm dieting the wrong way, and is now correcting my habits.

The doctor said, this may never be cured, BUT! Yes, there's a BUT. If I adjust my eating habits, and modify my eating time. I can get cured. I mean like, w00t! freedom with food. And I decided to go with that.

I'll be updating you guys, with my condition, uhahaha!! G0 me!! Face tomorrows without regrets, and go me!

I'll be going to Thailand, MAYBE today, or Tomorrow evening, but All I can say is, I won't be online later this night, and tomorrow. =D Well I do hope our flight is tomorrow, so I could have my braces by then. =D

I hope, my bad lucks go away with the end of April. And I really do hope.

God guide me :D

~ De arimasu.

Shana-nee

I Don't know now

2008-04-28T20:49:00.000+08:00

Well, bad luck has been going away for a while? But now I've had stomach complications. >.> I don't know exactly what's wrong, maybe because I haven't been eating on time lately, I should restore my normal eating time soon. XDDDD

Anyway, We'll be going to Thailand this May 1 - 7, wait for some awesome-ness pics by te 9th! Cause by the 8th I'll be resting. Uhahaha!! So yeah guys.

Wait for my comeback ~de arimasu.

P.S. This is my most positive entry, all throughout April, amen.

Lord may guide us to the right way. =D

Bad luck is moving away?

2008-04-24T22:09:00.002+08:00

My last entry was as of Sunday? or Monday? not sure. But today, not until I plugged my DS' USB did I know that my DC had the same Virus my PC caught last Saturday. But my Cellphone USB didn't. Isn't that cool?

My Cellphone was on the PC around 20 minutes ago. While I didn't see it appear. Looks like the USB port in-front has a virus, at the back doesn't. If that's the case I'll be LOLing at that.

But, what if my external hard drive had this virus as well? :-S That'd be.

AHGSBDAURBEIKJA OMG! OMG! NOOOOOO!!! NOOO!!

my 80gig External Hard drive didn't have any part of it backed up. And that'll be like total. T.T I'll try it out tomorrow if my teacher can go here. :D I hope he can come by tomorrow. :D

Well it's not very much lethal.

Well, as my entry says, bad luck is moving away? I can't be so sure yet, I have to be ready for the worst shouldn't I? I just think they were settling down to get me off guard.

NO uh, I won't, I won't let myself be off guard. My heart and mind should be ready to face problems, and bad lucks.

God, please give me all the strength. =D Go me!! Let it be!

~ De arimasu.

Bad luck REALLY Won't stay away from me.

2008-04-19T19:23:00.002+08:00

I've been having bad lucks, and now, my PC caught a zapchast trojan, for some unknown reason, I didn't go to any suspicious files, and I never knew letting a "zipped" file, "zipped" over night, will do me more anxieties.

My skin sickness has multiplied, I hope they would just get cured in a jiff. Lord my dear, I know I've been a bad kid, as a beginning for a new year. But Please, don't let me fall apart.

I want to do a lot of things this year, and right now, Bad luck is coming after me.

NO! I'm NOT giving up! It's just that, the constant bad lucks are somewhat pulling me down. During the previous problem. *points below* I gave up on it, cause I realized that the situation is really wrong, and it's not the time, yet. I understand now.

But please, I really want to know the reason why, bad lucks are after me. If April ended. Will my bad luck chain end too?

No no, as I said, I'm NOT giving up, living and FIGHTING! I'm just curious and a bit hurt. I know, there are times I turned my back at you. But, all I know is, when I'm alone, you're the only one there for me right?

So please, :)

Anyway, sorry for my random rambling, it might be pointless for you, but it's a great big deal for me, for this to be read by you. Anyway, I'm all better now.

w00t! all hail! w00t!

I still have to copy my files, gehehehe, My computer's getting crowded again. =D

And bad days just won't go away.

2008-04-15T20:51:00.002+08:00

I met axel-nii from Crunchyroll, and he's a kind and sincere guy. I could definitely say that he's a good guy. Since he went out of his way to PM me and tell me he's interested in my stories who suck.

Because he was looking for a storywriter/script writer. And his chances didn't fail, he found me. I was glad that someone appreciates my works, and my talent for writing.

He informed me of a band too. A jpop/jrock band. He's looking for band members. So I volunteered to be a vocalist. The practice meeting place is in Makati. Kinda far from Muntinlupa, but who cares?

I asked my dad, and it turns out, he doesn't allow me to. So sad no? Well I guess I'd go for the .1% of going for it, when my mom comes home from Cagayan.

It's like; time is finding ways in stopping me into performing in-front of people. Maybe it's also for the purpose of, avoiding into breaking their eardrums. Because of my nasal, monotonous voice. I suck.

First year high school - I wanted to join the singing contest, but right at the last day of the auditions were I finally had the karaoke for the song I wanted to sing; I got a sore throat. A bad one, that my voice is totally corrupted. And it went on until the day of the contest.

Second Year high school - I got sick due to dyspepsia and wasn't able to audition.

Third year High school - I didn't even know that it was due that time. The auditions I mean.

and now this;

Nothing's been happening to my life, but only purely bad omens. My Skin sickness, my friend conflicts, my mentality, my KARA fandom, and my feelings. Everything is coming down.

My days of happiness and carefree-ness died down. What will happen to my life? I felt like, my world is going to crumble down, and BOOM! I'm out of this world.

I've been thinking "What if the world ends?" lately. Cause of my problems, but it hits me. "it's MY problem," so I was like "why am I thinking about the world?" how dumb of I.

and now my brother said No. So my chance of participating is .001% now.

so yeah, I was ranting. And right now, it should be okay, but I feel so bad.

I guess it isn't time then.

And by the way;

by the time you finished reading this. I'm crying buckets.

See ya.

Again. Let me say this STRAIGHT

2008-04-11T20:08:00.003+08:00

READ AT YOUR FRIGGIN OWN RISK

---

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Because of a freakin' small reason, I'm turning into emo mode, and I'm so sorry about that really. -.-"

Minjoo sent me a link, with a video of KARA’s Han Seungyeon, dancing to So Nyuh Shi Dae’s Girls Generation. Knowing SNSD fans wishing how they wanted Seungyeon and Sunghee to be in SNSD hurts me a lot.

KARA, is like the perfect group I ever heard in performing, now that they lost their Lead Vocalist, for them; who aren’t really big fans, wishing those things to happen hurts me a lot.

It made me think, would be life be freaking normal and less emo if I never gotten into them? Would Minjoo be having to be freakin confused if I hadn’t been influenced by her?

I got into KARA because of their attitude, and music. They’re so awesome when they perform on stage. Let’s say SNSD has a lot more charisma and sex appeal, but I freakin go for Stage Presence, and Vocals during a live performance,

That’s why I’m with KARA right now. I’m like this aside from the reason that, my period came today. No, not at all. I would still feel this way, if ever.

KARA’s comeback is anticipated by Mid-May, with the two new members they are recruiting using UC Sing.

Auditions will end at May 5^th, and new members would be introduced on May 9^th, I’m kinda excited and hyped up with this.

But the reason with Sunghee without there, is so sad. KARA is an awesome group. And I had premonitions that they would do good this year. And be a somewhat successful. Sunghee will be returning next year, and they’ll go BOOM!

My premonitions are usually correct. I’m not boasting or anything. But who knows anyway? I’m still so darn sad.

It’s like;

Sunghee – Will bring power and energy

Gyuri – passing it around with her motherly figure and kind, soothing voice,

Nicole – rapping and re-telling as if, it was a great big novel.

Seungyeon – ending it with a soothing, and loving voice.

Is how KARA is, they bring so much Harmony to once life. Anyway,

---

My friend Shanine just IM-ed me, saying, our friend Lhang is mad, and totally gagged.

There was this story that Kathy, was mad at her, which I don’t know why and how this got to her. I don’t care at all.

I’m so Mentally disturbed, my emotions are hurt, and so is my heart.

And she’s freaking mad at us all. So senseless I may say, back stabbing and all the things cannot be helped.

And I’m so FREAKING PISSED OFF ALREADY ON HOW I GET COUNSELED ON TO MAKE US ALL GO TOGETHER AGAIN!

I’M SO FREAKIN’ DARN PISSED WITH ALL OF THIS! WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE SO UNDERSTANDING?! AND GET THIS ALL OVER WITHOUT ANYONE GETTING MAD AT ALL?!

THE TRUTH ALWAYS DARN HURTS, BUT WHY CAN’T WE HELP BUT FIGHT ALL THE TIME?!

IF YOU FREAKIN GUYS WANTED TO FIGHT, THEN DO SO! DON’T EVER GET INNOCENT, AND QUIET PEOPLE INTO IT.

SOMEONE TOLD US THIS, AND WE’RE FREAKING LISTENING TO THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE DARN DISTURBED AND SAD,

AND NOW YOU FREAKING ACCUSE US OF MAKING YOU LOOK DARN STUPID?!

You’re not the only person feeling that way in this world, don’t ever think that the world will end without you.

A lot of people in this world, are being deceived more than, how your lovely friends had deceived you, you were deceived for a great big reason.

Being plastic is a effing part of life, and no one can’t help but do that, in order not to bring up so much freaking fights at all.

And you can’t even freakin’ understand it?!

Your life might be sad and all, but you’re not freaking the saddest person in this world!! Don’t sick for darn attention, we all have equal amount of it.

I heard you were being treated badly at your house, and I want to help you out and make you out of this. And now, I’m in a mentally unstable condition, this is the FREAKING NEWS I DARN GET?!

The hell with all this!

THE HELL WITH YOU,

THE HELL WITH US!

THE HELL REALLY!

---

And with that, I’m still not freaking getting at the peak of my endless rant, and I want top cry.

I’m badly and drastically hurt, and my mind’s so freaking confused. I wanna stab everyone and go die. -.-“

This life freakin… is so filled with bad luck.

In the middle of recovering from my skin sickness, my PC suddenly gets a Trojan virus, I had to reformat on a jiff, unable to save some of my freakin files, and with that, comes the problem and thought of my skin sickness coming back after the treatment had ended.

I thought everything will be good now, since I’ve had very bad luck since the beginning of THIS SUMMER! And now this?!

TO HELL WITH US ALL!

I want this endless bad luck to end… did I just draw a “very bad luck” fortune in a somewhere shrine?

Why do I have bad luck these days? Was it because I’ve been lucky the whole year last year? So I’ll be bad lucked all of 2008’s year?

I had good luck’s too, but all these bad luck is getting to me, and I’m becoming a little depressed, confused and stressed with all this.

Give me a break..

Let me rest…

A very late entry.

2008-04-01T08:20:00.001+08:00

Happy One Year Anniversary KARA!!

So yeah, I'm supposed to make an entry on March 29th, but I don't really have the time to figure out my password, and the email I used for here. yeah that's it. T.T I'm making two entries today since, I'll be leaving soon, my friend's birthday is today. so yeah. =)
----
To tell you the truth, I might pull out of my internet hobbies, and start working, we're getting poor, and my internet subscriber might cut down my internet, so, I'll miss you guys, I will really... T.T

(highlight)
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!
----

Reminisce with me...~~

2008-03-24T12:19:00.004+08:00

I can't continue my story if I don't introduce them right?
Here we are
me (haejin I am)
Sha
Lhang
Jem
Riz
Kath
Kathy
Joyce
Roks
Karla

Sha and Lhang had a fight of being close. When the seating arrangement changed, it used to be Lhang closest to Sha, but now Sha is close to Karla.

Recently, Sha tells her problems and things about her love life to either Karla or Me. Lhang was so jealous of this since she used to be the one closest to Sha. It made me pissed in a way. And I was like; "I don't feel jealous or whatnot, In our new seating arrangement, I'm the only one separated with you guys, and this happens to you?"

I act the most mature among them all, that's why I told you guys I feel old. T_T When I talk to them and give them advice, or a meeting for them, I feel like I'm 2 years older than all of them. XD Childish they are I see. I'm childish in my own way, but no one opposes me when I get serious.

They're all kinda scared of me, and doesn't want me to get mad, since yes. I was scary.

This conflict between Sha and Lhang lasted until our lunch break, Kathy, Kath, Joyce, Roks, and Jem tried consoling both of them, And I myself, who got tired of the situation, quits on comforting both sides, and start to shut up.

Consoling them, giving them a piece of my mind, and a piece of what I felt when I was in my 2nd year of High School, friend-less and lonely. Nothing changed.

I've always had the feeling of loneliness in me. I don't show it to them as to not make them worry about me, which never happens though. I show it or not, they never worry about me at all really.

So okay, enough of me, let's get back to the situation at hand. When they became back close again, it took them 3 days, they reconciled on our day of prom.

according to sha's side, "Lhang was very open to me, I know everything about her, and the depths of her past, but for some reason I can't open up to her,"

according to Lhang's side, "I've opened to Sha, and she knows me very well, but why can't she open up to me?"

heck man, aren't they so twisted now?

I wanted to curse them for being like that, XD but now that everything's fine, no need to worry about it anymore right?

Now let me tell my side of story why I'm so pissed at the both of them that time. =D

I made a lot of friends because of my talent in creating romantic, romance/comedy fictions. I gained a lot of readers to top it off.

But right after the 3rd seating arranging.

Our classroom has 2 rows, all 9 of them are on the left row, while I'm the only one on the right row,... alongside with the boys.

All those friends of mine who're supposed to be with me, requested a seat change. So I'm very much like considered like a boy now. hahaha!

But anyway, I didn't feel sad or whatnot without them around me, I feel so at ease and could concentrate on my lessons better.

While.. these two... are on a conflict even if they're on the same row. So i was like, man, that sucks for you then. ~de arimasu

Shanatan

This day, 14th day of January

2008-01-14T20:33:00.000+08:00

Read at your own risk.

When I'm depressed, I turn into a, Philosophical monster, I answer questions straight out from mind, without thinking of the other person's feelings, but it still depends on the person, this chat is an example of that.

Example:
Classmate: What's our exam?
Me: trigo, pe,
Me: dunno the other one,
Classmate: second day?
me: dunno, ask yourself.

Aren't I so bad?

I wanna rant a lot, aside from saying that I'm having mood swings, I'm currently depressed because, I'm not so myself, I'm so pissed, and depressed, I wanna kill someone, I wanna hurt myself, yes that badly. I want to find the real, real, real, real, reason why I'm so darn depressed, and I think I've found it now.

I actually found that, I've got no one to lean on too,

Kara's I'll be there lyrics:
Close your eyes and lean on me,
When you feel afraid,
When you lose your way,
Close your eyes and lean on me,
my love
I will be there for you.

I wonder, who would ever do this for me. I'm always there for my friends, but none of them really, actually noticed, what's truly wrong with me, one reason would be that, they are used to me, of being always happy, and not having worries at all. I don't show that much of a sad expression, and I'm not open with my true feelings, If you read the stories I write, you could actually feel my feelings when the story flows.

It's the only way, the only where I could not hide my feelings, my stories, my poems, the way I talk, they reveal all about me. If you wanna try it, read one of my fanfic chapters, and analyze it, during on those A/N:'s hides a simple message saying, "I'm sad that, no one understands my situation,"

Have you been on a situation where, you've had tons of friends, you THOUGHT you did, but I guess you THOUGHT, well yeah, just THOUGHT of it, I've been betrayed by a lot of my friends. During a lot of occasions and I'm tired of, forgiving them, for breaking a lot of promises for me. I'm tired of being so, kind already.

Example:
me: Ya! ON Saturday 8am, and on Sunday 1pm, please come.
Cousins: Yes, Saturday *excited*
-- actual day
me: It's 10am, no one, 1pm no one,
-- the next day
me: 3pm no one,
me: I feel so hurt, if they won't come, they shouldn't have made me, have so MUCH HIGH HOPES, of them helping me, I guess it never works this way right?

I so, want to do a LOT that day, with them, since it's been a long time since we've had such a joyful day, but it just made my heart broken, truly, promises are so important for me, so if for you, promises are made to be broken, please, don't make a promise to me, or else you'll broke something more aside than your promise.

I easily trust people, makes me vulnerable, because I want my life to be doubtless, and happy. But this situation made me think twice,

"I had no friends really,"

"I don't have them from the start,"

"But for me, they are important, oh well, if I'm in this world, to have this purpose, I shall bear with it, my whole life,"

How long have I been bearing this situation? Ever since I'm 12? When I turned 13? WHEN? I can't remember it's been long.

I somehow, envy those, who're close to their family, Mother only, Father Only, sibling/s only, It doesn't matter, what matters is that you're close with them, I'm not, I once told my mom, "It's your fault I'm like this, because of work, you don't give me the amount of attention I need," and she answered me back, "What do you want us to do? Stop working and give you more attention?" I so, want to hit someone, that time, I REALLY REALLY, want to, is Money this important to them?

oh well, I guess it's my destiny to have things like this right? I thank you for you reading this, means, you're concerned for me, I so wanna cry now, I so, want someone beside me right now.

あんたのておのばす、あたしわできない。。。 (Your hand, I can't reach it...)
あんたのかたは、かすして。。。おねがいで。。。とたつけてくら。。あたしもう、(lend me your shoulder, please, and help me..)

Super emo post, Sorry,

- haejin ah

Love Stories, nakakatuwa XD

2007-12-20T18:53:00.000+08:00

Mel, from a forum posted this. It's cool. XD I'd like all of my readers to read it, =D very inspiring.
----------------
it started in 2004. lily and i were pretty much best friends. but she's the type of "friend" who's like "do what i want or i'll hate you" i knew she was like taht back then, but i was too scared of her to do anything about it. now that i look back at it, i regret trying to stay her friend. T.T
anyway. it was around august/september of 2004 and lily was like "omg you know bob? he likes you! well, he said that he likes 2 people in our class, one starting with "L" and one starting with "M" " and taht was me and lily.
at that time, lily was liking bob's best friend, and i was getting over this other guy.. let's call him harry.
about 2 days later, lily found out that bob's best friend was moving to perth, and at the same time, bob was showing more interest towards me. after the best friend left, lily immediately started liking bob. when she found out that he liked me instead of her, she got really jealous. and she told everyone in our group to hate me (sounds stupid, but she's kinda influential, and again, if they didnt do what she wanted, she'll hate them too). during that time,i didnt really hang out with anyone but our group. so i was kinda a loner for the next week.
hmm.. yeah, bob started to show more and more interest towards me, and lily got even more jealous. then one day, i decided to talk to her. it went like this:
me: "are you pissed?"
her: "what does it look like"
me: "but why are you pissed off at me?"
her: "you should know, why the hell are you asking"
me: "how am i supposed to know if you dont tell me?"
her: "ok fine. cause he likes you and doesnt like me"
me: "but i thought you liked the best friend"
her: "yeah, well not anymore"
me: "well what do you want me to do about it? it's not like i can force him to stop liking me"
her: "i dont know, just do whatever, just as long as he stops liking you"
me: *sigh.. how the hell am i meant to do that =S*
and cause i wanted to be friends with her again, i decided to do whatever it took to patch things up.

it was about 2 or 3 weeks since she first told me that he liked me. and at that time, i'd pretty much gotten over harry and was taking slight interest in bob. but cause lily still hated me, i wanted to patch things up. so one day on msn (cause bob and i never spoke in person ><) i was like.. "hey.. um, i'm sorry, but i like harry" (even though i didnt anymore) he stopped liking me, and never spoke to me again. lily and i became friends again. but by december she "ditched" me. gave me no reason at all.

in 2005, i made new friends, and i eventually became obsessive over bob. i really liked him. but it hurt to know that he wouldnt talk to me, and didnt want to be around me. i really regretted my decision of telling him i liked harry, just to patch things up with lily, which didnt even last in the end. i found out this year, that she ditched me cause she was still pissed about what happened with me and bob. i ended up liking bob for 2 years; 2005-2006. i kinda gave up by the end of 2006, cause he never talked to me again.

this year, we were in the same class. and cause of that, we eventually became friends, as i said in my last post. =]
-----------------------------
And here is my, umm, my umm,, current? oh, umm, recent 'past' love story. XD
-----------------------------
oh well, I guess I'll open something about this guy then? XD

Let's hide him under the name Arnel.

I'm classmates with Arnel since last year, and we're classmates again this year. We're seatmates last year, and we're seatmates again this year. As far as I know, I liked him for a bit, last year, but not anymore now, since he doesn't show any interest in me. XD

---- Last School Year
It started with this, we're chatting on Yahoo Messenger, my display picture was MY picture, and he said that "My friend behind my back likes you" so "that friend" we will call Antonio, showed his affections for me through Arnel.

But it felt like, It was Arnel sending affection towards me, not Antonio, but I know Antonio exists, he really do (he showed me his webcam, XD) but I don't feel Antonio's 'like' but Arnel's 'like'

I don't want to assume things, so I didn't say anything, but one of Arnel's friends, let's name him... Patrick, told me, "Don't worry about Arnel, he cares about you,"

I don't know whether his friends and him are playing a game with me, or they are serious.

One Time THIS happened, in Yahoo Messenger. XD
Antonio: What is this?!
Me: WHAT WHAT?!
Antonio: Arnel told me that you're his girlfriend already!
Me: What?
Antonio: What do you think you're doing making me look stupid showing my affection to you?!
Me: What do YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING getting jealous even if it's not us?

Then he logged out, the next day. At School.
Me: Arnel, what is Antonio saying, that you told him we're a couple?
Arnel: I wouldn't tell Antonio that! Why would I?
Me: Okay I believe you, since I know you in person, and you're not the kind to lie, Okay.

Then that confusion ended. I got mad at Antonio and not talked to him for a lot of months, and he finally gave up (yay)
Is Antonio trying to wreck Arnel's image in me? Since Arnel treats me, umm I think, a lot differently, than other girls.

-------This School year.
Arnel treats me with kind, still. He teases me at times, but he's kinder to me, than other girls he knows. Do you think he likes me? I might be falling for him, my classmates says, "We look like a couple together" but I know I don't feel "that way" towards him. Since I've told him "I won't get a BF until college," maybe he's holding back until I get to college?

Someone told me, that, he does like someone, but is afraid to tell his feelings to her. I'm not barging or anything since I'm fine with not a love life, for 15 years =P But I'm confused.

Sorry It's long. XD =)
----------------------

De arimasu~

By Shana-tan

ANNOUNCEMENT-ie!

2007-11-15T18:10:00.000+08:00

WOCHAA!!

I'm going to release here in my Blog my story. Titled:

Yeah right, I know I stole the title, but look, it's a whole different thing. P.S. The story is in the "Filipino" Language. woocchaa!!

It's been a long time since I've updated huh? I've been stressed lately, for no reason, ONCE MORE. T_T

but I hope, I'll get better soon, I don't want to be stressed like hell, everyday again. I'm too young to be stressed ~ de arimasu.

Sankyuu for reading.

For the story, visit this link: http://silentbutdeadly0708.blogspot.com/

w00tya!! Tests days again tomorrow.

2007-10-08T19:18:00.000+08:00

mada hayai na... hibi dayo. Haaayyy... Soon we'll be starting to shoot for our Movie "Teen Detective Club" ahohohoh. We'll be starting it out early December.
hmmm dewa. Here!

Our dance hn hn, we took it last Sunday around 2:00Pm, with my fellow cousins and friends. =D
Cast:
Girl in Blue - Me as Suzumiya Haruhi （涼宮ハルヒ）
Girl in Yellow - EJ as Asahina Mikuru　（朝比奈みくる）
Girl in White - Princess as Nagato Yuki　（長門有希）
Fat guy in white - Jayson as Kyon　（キヨン）
Thin small guy in white - JR as Koizumi Itsuki　（古泉一樹）
small gat guy - RR as Taniguchi　(谷口)

moahahahah!! Just comment on the youtube account okie? Arigatou gozaimasu!! =D

Ja ne!! bye-beeeee ~ De arimasu

by Shana/Konata

Yatta!! Ang saya ng Birthday ni Ej!

2007-09-29T20:57:00.000+08:00

Well, the truth is, kahapon ung birthday ni Ej, eh un nga lang kaso (haha) Friday so ngayon namin nacelebrate.

ang saya! Kahit na medyo nagkanda hilo-hilo ako nung nageenjoy sila ni Princess eh ayos lang! Masaya pa rin ako! ahohohohoh, nasobrahan kasi ako sa kain, at biglaang nasuffocate dahil sa dami ng da*n people sa loob.

EHNIWEY.

I'm currently busy rescheduling my schedule and my diet. XD Ang saya ko.

Eto, bukas
6 or 7AM - 11Am - Play PS2 (free to be called)
11am - Take a bath.
After taking a bath - Open the PC and do w/e I want to do and wait until 1PM
1PM - 4PM practice dance.
After dance practice - Open PC hanggang 8PM
8PM - 9PM - Sulat sa notebook, then tulog na.

Yatta! Bakit ko nga ba sinasabi ang schedule ko? Simple lang, wala akong maisulat, o d ba? hahaha!

Anyway gabi na, 9 na!! Matutulog na ako, at may bukas pa naman. ahohoho.

good night!! tomorrow ulet! ~ De arimasu.

P.S. This is my very first 'tagalog' entry in this blog. =D

~ Konata/Shana-tan

Long time dakara nee? (tama ba to? XD)

2007-09-28T20:52:00.000+08:00

I've been busy lately, let me tell you HOW:
1. Band Practice (Every Fridays 5:00PM - 7:00PM, my house)
2. dance Practice (Every Saturday 1:00PM - 4:00PM, my house still)
3. More schedule for TTH

See? hahaha, then I've got LOTS to do.
- Watch tons of Anime
- Play Wild Arms 5
- Play Eureka Seven vol2. The New Vision
- Persona 3
- Valkyrie Profile 2
and the list goes on.

However, about the guys who are almost kicked out, they were suspended for a total of 3 days.
Well it's better than being kicked out right? =D Yesterday, September 27, 2007, we had a "Apitong is Sorry" Party for our adviser Mr. Tony Damaso. =D

He almost cried, well we almost cried also, filled with drama. He said, "In all of those sections, batches I've handled, I like this year the most, because if they did something wrong, they always say sorry at the end of the day, and are always smiling when I come in," It really touched our hearts.

LOVE IT!

INGAT SA BYAHE PAPUNTANG TAGAYTAY MR. DAMASO! =D

~ De arimasu

- Konata ahohohoho

It's sad.

2007-09-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

Well, 6 of my male classmates namely;
Cruz K.
Lucido C.
Pableo V. J.
Roxas S.
Ortega L.
Edijer F.

I don't mind L. to get kicked out but I DO mine with the rest getting kicked out. Please anyone there reading this, please pray that they don't get to be kicked out.

THANK YOU!

They are such funny and joyous classmates, I'm having a good time with them. =D

Haaaa.... Otsukareta.....

2007-08-31T21:19:00.000+08:00

Aya said that phrase right after singing "Sore ga, Ai Deshou" it's fun! ahahaha!!

And This super-ly Kawaii character here, is the main heroine of the anime I'm watching. So Cute. <3
hahahaha!! I really <3 this show, it's so... educational and cute and educational, did I say cute? and oh very educational too in a funny way that makes me laugh.

Example conversation:
****ta: Happy Birthday *****sa and other.
Other: DON'T ABBREVIATE ME OFF!!

XD, those lines probably made me laugh, like I accidentally hit my head on the computer table. XD

Well anyway, let's end it here!! I still gotcha sleep I have my stage play Noli tomorrow. =D Good nighterz!! ~ de arimasu

by Shana-tan.

Hisashiburi da ne? (It's been a long time, isn't it?)

2007-08-25T18:04:00.000+08:00

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! XD

I have not been updating because our Sabayang Pagbigkas was near, but it's finished now so, back to updatehng XD

Well since it's after our sabayang pagbigkas, I've got a pic here, XD with our face paint on the model!

That's our face paint, the flag of the Philippines!! and huwaaaaatt?? Guess where I am there. wahahahaha!!!

It's fun! But we only gained the 5th place over 6 sections that fought over the top 3 places. But guess huwaaaat I'm happy for "first Year - Sequoia" since their sabayang pagbigkas is a great big hit!!

I'm happy for them they're at 4th place.

well then I'll update you more tomorrow then.

Ta~ta!! ~de arimasu

- by Shana-nee

Yacchaaa!! First day of exams today!!

2007-08-10T20:27:00.000+08:00

We had trigonometry today as first subject. Gaaaaaaaaaah!! I had some brain bleed but I'm sure I'll pass it. =D

Then we had T.L.E. next, wooh our TLE teacher is a great big liar to say, saying that the test was easy, XDD good thing that my *short term photographic memory* works good. So I was able to answer it in a jiff.

Then next to that is P.E. such an easy exam, I promise you it really is easy ~ de arimasu

Thanks for reading!! Ja ne!! O-ya-su-mi!! =D

*(words)* - A short term photographic memory a I have
- It only works for three days if I was "forced" to look at a thing. But if it was something I voluntarily looked at, it stays for as long as I want. But I'm human too, I forgot details aside from pictures, And this is what makes my life easy. XD, When I memorize things in a book, I just stare at it, for 2 - 3 minutes, read one line (it doesn't matter where), and done, It's memorized.

Weird right? Yeah weird. ^^

No Classes, I'm not that happy =P

2007-08-08T20:58:00.000+08:00

To anonymous Commenter (Fei is that you? XD): Yes, I'm in Third year High School. =D

Well yeah, no more classes 'AGAIN' tomorrow and I'm not happy more or less, I wanted to get over with my exams ASAP, and I don't want to pay for these days on Saturday's and another Saturday, I'd like my saturday to be some kind of a free time.

Then for the last time, I was studying since I'm actually wishing for a "There is classes" tomorrow. I REALLY want to get over with my exams.

But say, if this "no classes" thing still goes on until friday, well then, it'll be fine since it's even. XD
Well that pic was "a stolen shot" a few hours ago, while I'm reading my skill builders book. I was called before the picture was shot, so that's why I'm facing my cellular phone's camera.

but anyway, I forgot to call my classmate Kathy tonight, maybe tomorrow, since I was talking to Ichigo, with such interesting topics, Jurassic Park and Chicken Little, =P Well he's watching it, and I'm there, bothering him because I'm bored ahahahaha!!

I spent half of my day playing my PS2 and another half of it going online. And then right now Taaa-daaaa!! I'll soon be on my sheets, yeah, I'll be hitting the hay sooner or later.

Actually, these storms just comes at the wrong time and at the wrong place, I hate how it came today. And then tomorrow, and now I'm hoping that there's still storm tomorrow hahaha!

Well I'm sleepy now, see you tomorrow!! ~ de arimasu!
BONUS!!
Clickie!! A bonus for you MY READER!! =D too sad blogspot can't handle GIFs =D

exams tomorrow!!

2007-08-07T19:46:00.000+08:00

Oh yea! it's exam day tomorrow, the day after that and the day after the day after that, hahaha XD tomorrow's test would be, P.e. T.L.e. and Trigonometry, what a curse, hahaha!!

That sure is hard huh? Well, we'll see how good I'm going to do tomorrow, we'll then I'm off to studying!! Ja ne!!

Uwaaahh!! I'm a big big big slacker. XDD

2007-08-06T20:52:00.000+08:00

It's 9PM already, and I'm still not doing anything, XD I'm supposed to memorize my Periodic table of Elements because of our recitation tomorrow. I've got lotsa things to do tomorrow, dance practice on PE, recitation, free time, submission of plates, etc. Break time, 1st part of Qtrly exam on trigo, Free time, Break time, recitation, free time. *sigh*

anyway look look!! I'm watching a new show, and It's a live action of one of my favorite detective anime!! I really really really REALLY love it, specially the way how they changed the blooming RyuuxMegu relationship to a KyuuxMegu relationship, seriously, even if they're young, Ryunosuke-kun and Mirai-chan makes a good and cute couple. XDD

Mirai-chan's even prettier than me, how sad, hahahaha!!

Well that's it for today, aside from drinking grape flavored slurpee (<3) and eating some Pancit Canton, with my best friend Aika, there's nothing much that happened, and the bi*tch who bullies me, I don't pay attention to her, XDD

Thanks for reading ~ de arimasu

by shanatan/shana/Rukia-nee

P.S. nahawa na ata ako sa katamaran ni Mami Konrei, teka, tamad ba si mami Konrei? XDD

I. Am. Bullied. and. is still. bullied. =) R-A-N-T

2007-08-05T20:39:00.000+08:00

It started out I don't know how, but they just hate me for some reason.

There's actually only one girl, but I'm afraid to fight her since she's got her friends behind her back, while I got no one.

She and her group practically thinks of me as an exaggerated and over-acting dancer.

I think someone like those who don't know how to mind their own business. They shout things that aren't directly told for me, and then gives me bad looks, as if they were going to tore me apart. I look like I'm the bad one. I'm pissed off already, I was praying as if I wish Killing people is Legal for me, so I could've killed the GIRL already.

she's our class president, and a member of the Student Council, what a student council huh? All I wait for now is how she would make ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND ME, HATE ME, for an instant and make me transfer to another school. I don't want to report to the guidance office or to our school councilor, since I think it would enlarge the fight for some instance.

Just like, someone in our class said, "C'mon do it with a WHOLE VOICE," then almost all of us started shouting since we're all pissed off at him. Then she said like "HE SAID WHOLE VOICE, NOT SHOUTING VOICE," and gives me a bad look using the eyes.

As if I'm the only one who shouted.

I WANTED TO KILL HER SO BADLY.

Well that's it, thanks a lot for listening, I don't expect anything or much less, since I wasn't appreciated by people in any circumstance anyway.

I'm like a tiny bug in a sandwich, that needs to be thrown off at the garbage can. I burn CDs for our Speech Choir, and I never gotten ANY KIND OF THANKS, aside from bad words, bad comments and flames. How nice huh?

Thank you for lending me your minutes in reading this. I'm not someone who asks for help. But Honestly, I don't know what I'll if my Patience runs out.

So Right now, I'm looking for music that we need so in some way, I can at least, show them that I'm worth something, that I'm a human, even if for some instance, I need some praise, to cheer me up.

I'm in NO JOKING MOOD. Give me some kind of like "PUNCH HER IN THE FACE" comment, and it would just make me feel so bad.

I'm sorry. =)

I'm here ranting, because like I said, I don't have any friends here, that I can actually, rant on.

Thanks for reading ~ de arimasu

by Shanatan/Shana/Rukia =P

GUAHHH, I'm still sick,

2007-07-17T19:16:00.001+08:00

It'll be two weeks tomorrow that I've got Colds and Coughs, I HATE THIS!! I WANT TO GET BETTER ALREADY!!...

Sorry for my babbling, in P.E. we're doing an awesum dance and I swear I want to dance to it to my fullest, I don't want to collapse or anything.

I WANT TO BE BETTER ALREADY, please people, pray for me, pray for that I'll get cured by this week,

We still have our Sabayang Pagbigkas coming And I, just CAN'T REST, I need instantaneous cure.

Please pray for me.

Until then ~ De Arimasu

- Shanatan <3 *cough*cough*achoo!*

Hisashiburi da ne? (It's been a long time, isn't it?)

2007-07-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time!! It took me ages before I figured "I haven't been updating my blog recently... I wonder why."

I'm just simply hooked at once again; reading manga, watching anime, reading a book and writing. I've currently paused reading manga, and now's currently watching "Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne" (The wind theif Jeanne), where is the main girl (Kusakabe Maron) Is sealing Demons (in paintings or anything like artifacts) because she's the re-creation of Joan of Arc's soul (referred to as Jeanne D'Arc, that's why she's called Jeanne ' read as: Jahn'). It's really good, with the mixture of complicated love, and many more! I've recently finished reading the manga as well, and I really like it, I'm watching the anime just for awesum fillers. >D

And That's the reason why I haven't been updating recently. And oh By the way, I backed-out from our SBO (Student Body Officers) dance because of my left leg's injury >.<

Anyway, what has recently happened to me, cried a few hours ago because of my classmate losing my sister's fan (pamaypay) darn >.< I'm scared of my sister.

And hmmm recently too, my mother told me "Siguro ung daddy mo pupunta ng Thailand sa bakasyon nya kasi gusto nya mag-elephant" hahahaha!!

** Translation: Maybe your dad will be going to Thailand during his vacation just to ride an Elephant.

My mother sure do know how to make us laugh. XD Recently too (too many recents XD) I've been writing the so called "Book two" of my story "Real time, Real place, Unreal Love," Where is the main girl is a simple classroom muse while her boyfriend is the campus crush. XD It's such a hit to my female classmates who loves reading romance books.

This is the first time that this much of people, talk, appreciate my writing, I really feel good, sometimes I also pretend that I'm a reader and chat alongside with them. It's really fun!!

Anyway it's 9:30Pm time's up for me!! Good night everyone, Take a good care of yourself, whoever is reading this. ~ de arimasu

- Shanatan <3

Still watching and has some leg cramps XD

2007-07-03T19:36:00.000+08:00

I've got leg cramps just before P.E. class today, how nice, XDDDDDDDDD We were to play Kickball also next meeting (thursday) and then I'm also dancing for our SBO* (Party A.S.T.I.G.) we're dancing to Janet Jackson's "So Excited" Fun, got my head tied around and around for the dance steps, we're on a rush, W00t! hahaha!!

Anyway, what happened today... at T.L.E. time several boys got to stand up at the back and them to face the wall. Our teacher was having fun, asking for to guys to give him several poses while facing the wall. He wasn't satisfied, and promised to kiss all of them, and demanded it to be on the lips.

WHAT THE?!

How yucky, and it's funny, how the guys FREAKED out and how the girls (us) LAUGHED at them.

It's gross, our teacher looks dead, to mention HE (ehem XD) looks like a corpse. WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! w00t

how bad of mine, XDD

we'll that's fun, really, and really really really mean it.

A while ago, I saw our previous Biology teacher, and he's got a "gagong gupit" (EHEM Bago pala) he's been changing for a while, XDDD he looks like much more of a GUY now than a GAY, but still, acts like one, w00t fun. XD He ignores us too (His previous advisory class), he's sent to the Guidance Office lotsa times because of us, how we liked it.

We're the 2nd year - Lauan, and it's like a cursed section.

ANYWAY, should end it here now, I'll add more by tomorrow. XD

P.S. - I'm still watching the same awesum anime I'm watching a few posts before. XDD Thanks for reading!~De Arimasu

- by Shanatan

GARHUAHUAHUAHUA!! XD

2007-07-01T16:08:00.000+08:00

I'm Still watching this awesum anime, and It's still awesum, GUARHARHARHARHAR What a weird laugh, as in, really.

I'm darn pissed because my PC's CPU's darn, loud (the exhaust fan lol) XD Now it's quiet. XDD

Current Song: Aka no Seijaku - Ishida Youko (2nd ED Song Shakugan no Shana)

W00t! I really really really love this song. XD

A while ago I was in Sunken Garden (Muntinlupa) with my friend Joan, and her EHEM Special Person. =D

We had fun, just us, talking, and the like. It's fun.

Still no specific happenings today. T_T

See ya later!~De Arimasu

~Shanatan

Weepeee!!

2007-06-30T18:39:00.000+08:00

I'm in an incredibly good mood. XD

By the way here's the (roughly drafted) "Hare Hare Yukai" dance I promised by "us" the Retroattractive Dancers.

Nothing much happened today, aside from watching a new funny, and I MEAN IT LIKE FUNNY, anime. REALLY XDDD
(Look at the right) the characters in the anime (aside from the blonde with short hair at the left of the girl with red hair, since that girl comes out on season 2, I'm still watching season 1)

It's really awesum like :o~! XD Well I'll post a long post, maybe tomorrow or on monday or whatever, if there's something happy that happened in my life.~De arimasu.

~ Shanatan

I'm still darn sleepy

2007-06-30T12:24:00.000+08:00

*yawn*

I'm sleepy, and it's like 1hr and I'll be teaching a dance now, hahahaha!! "Hare Hare Yukai - Aya Hirano" yeah you got it, that cute 'lil dance in The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. XD Such a cute cute cute dance, don't worry, when we got the recording done today, I'll be posting the very first dance of "the retroattractive dancers" in youtube. w00t! Please stay tuned on our dance!~ de-arimasu

~ Shanatan

The Melancholy of Kamille Chavez

2007-06-28T20:37:00.003+08:00

I gave 2 deep cuts on my forefinger and middle finger on my left hand.

Why?

Because of yesterday, some b*tch said. "Why do you need (kamille) there?"

Since I took some cool pics with my friends. And She kind of repeated it today.

Some people here, knows how low my self-esteem is, and how wild my mind can get.

When I get depressed and see pointy/sharp things around me, I seriously cut myself until they bleed and I'd feel terrible pain.

for 2 days now, I've been cutting 2 same spots of bruise everyday, and not even giving them proper treatment (I.e. putting band aid, without washing it, after cutting it with a very sharp cutter that has oils in the end of the blades.).

This is the way how I deal with everything now, I cry to sleep, and cut myself to bled until I felt like sleeping.

I'll update sometime again. =)

Bitches are still DAMN bitches.

2007-06-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I was so happy, happier than anyone else :P Since we had our welcome party for my so called new member of the "Mga taong parating nasa bahay nila ate Kams" And her name's Joan >D We threw stuff at her it's really fun and In the end I the starter of the so called "Welcome Party" Got sabotaged in the end. XD

Anyway back on to this day, I took pics with my friends today (Carla, Joan, and Alex), It's really awesome. But some bitch said.

"Bakit kailangan kasama pa si (kamille) Chavez?"

So I overheard it and was like, "So what ano naman? Wala ba akong karapatang sumama sa mga kaibigan ko?"

Well for some instance, I got hurt, look My gender's being questioned, whether I'm a true blue girl or a tomboy, WTH's up with that? Such like big butted bitches like her, who's so dam, bitchy be questioned as a girl or a transexual, LOL.

She's goddamn fat (I'm back fighting here now) LOL, well I do need someone to rant to, And I really want to cry right now. HA HA HA HA.

~ ... =) Having a Mental Break Down.

My weird oozing and tiring day

2007-06-26T19:04:00.000+08:00

It's effing hot, and my sweat's pouring like rain to my shirt... We had P.E. today as our first subject gehehehehe. XD And on Chemistry, we're back to square one with our Chem. Teacher.

And I really feel like she's sooner or later going to be resigning. I'd feel so bad since it's entirely our fault why everything happened like a disaster.

MOU! Matta kuh *slaps forehead*

Anyway, I'll add up more tomorrow, so please stay tuned! XD

My Very first post on my 3rd Blog Spot

2007-06-25T21:22:00.000+08:00

I've got not much to tell right now since my blog's new, I'll start writing tomorrow. Until then, Ja ne!!!

--- The melancholy of Rukia nee-san
Signed: Shana-nee/Rukia/neeeee-saaaan/Unni/Tobs/Labs/Kamille

P.S. All those up there's has a copyright, everyone can only call me Kamille or Shana, But I prefer Shana ^^

The Melancholy of Yuki/Rukia Nee-san

New blog name!

It's because I am often misunderstood and unheard.

It's because I fail at life.

"May other opportunities pa!" Eh paano kung wala na?

Kanji/Romaji: Mizuki Nana - Freestyle (フリースタイル)

Graduating High School is a Gruesome day.

Good Thing I'm going to leave SMS now.

"You don't need to worry about me, I can survive Alone,"

I'm NOT EMO! Die you imbecile if dare you call me that.

The similarity of *coughprettycough* Kamchii and Mizusawa Mao

Looks like Mr. and Mrs. Bad Luck are back.

yg4253

Coughs and Colds are what I hate. T.T

May you Rest In Peace, dear Eye Glasses.

A rant about Gyuri's hair. =D

It's been a long time and today is July 17!

Well I'm so sorry for being stupid.

Just a Short Birthday Rant Aiyo? XD

A Fate/Stay Night Review

Something's hecka bothering me for a while.

Zettai lovexlove Sengen!! - THE CHILDREN -Kanji/Romaji- Lyrics

One of the best days. And one of my positive entries

Over the Future Feat. THE CHILDREN -Kanji/Romaji-

I was dragged back to Negative Thinking... and now was dragged back to Positive.

Hirano Aya - Glitter, lyrics

A melancholy at 12:03am May 23,

Why do I keep on saying Bad Luck?

May 18, 2008 -- What is?

I want a new mindset

A half-half day today.

It's May now.

And now, I told you, April is my bad luck

I Don't know now

Bad luck is moving away?

Bad luck REALLY Won't stay away from me.

And bad days just won't go away.

Again. Let me say this STRAIGHT

A very late entry.

Reminisce with me...~~

This day, 14th day of January

Love Stories, nakakatuwa XD

ANNOUNCEMENT-ie!

w00tya!! Tests days again tomorrow.

Yatta!! Ang saya ng Birthday ni Ej!

Long time dakara nee? (tama ba to? XD)

It's sad.

Haaaa.... Otsukareta.....

Hisashiburi da ne? (It's been a long time, isn't it?)

Yacchaaa!! First day of exams today!!

No Classes, I'm not that happy =P

exams tomorrow!!

Uwaaahh!! I'm a big big big slacker. XDD

I. Am. Bullied. and. is still. bullied. =) R-A-N-T

GUAHHH, I'm still sick,

Hisashiburi da ne? (It's been a long time, isn't it?)

Still watching and has some leg cramps XD

GARHUAHUAHUAHUA!! XD

Weepeee!!

I'm still darn sleepy

The Melancholy of Kamille Chavez

Bitches are still DAMN bitches.

My weird oozing and tiring day

My Very first post on my 3rd Blog Spot

The similarity of coughprettycough Kamchii and Mizusawa Mao